I apologize to anyone attempting to read this story. Something is stopping me from separating all the chapters and bolding the names, so all the formatting is out the window.
Yoshi: *sitting on my bed bored out of my mind*
Artemis: *appears out of thin air*
Yoshi: Ahhhhh! I’d know that complexion anywhere! It’s the infamous ARTEMIS FOWL!!!! *stares*
Artemis: Wait… How do you know my name? And my complexion?
Yoshi: Somebody must’ve leaked your story, because now it’s a book series!!!
Artemis: Great. I’ll have to remember to strangle Foaly when I get the chance.
Yoshi: AHHH! Foaly is real too!
Artemis: Of course. You think I could have all my escapades without him?
Yoshi: Is Minerva real too?
Artemis: *rolls eyes* Of course.
Yoshi: Then TAKE ME TO HER!!!! I wanna meet her!!!!
Artemis: You like her that much?
Yoshi: Ehehehehe… Not exactly.
Artemis: Hmmmm…. Well, at any rate, you’re about to meet her regardless. She’s coming through the dimensional tunnel.
Minerva:*Appears out of thin air*
Ninja: *jumps through window and chops Minerva’s head off*
Yoshi: AH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!!!!!
Artemis: AHHHH!!! What have you done to Minerva?!?!?
Holly: *pulls off ninja mask* She deserves it!!!
Yoshi: Holy cow! It’s Holly Short! *stares*
Holly: Somebody help me chop her up!!
Yoshi: Okay!! *pulls out samurai sword and chops Minerva up* But why?
Minerva: *plops together* IT’S TOO LATE!! YOU’LL NEVER WIN NOW!!! *Floats into the air and cackles*
Holly: *sighs* Because all this time she’s been a decoy for Opal Koboi. She was going to sell Artemis to Opal for a box of cookies!!!
Minerva: Exactly!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! COOKIES!! *ties Artemis up*
Artemis: HEY! I saved you from a crazy Taiwanese murderer with awesome hair, three years ago, remember? Is this how I’m repaid?
Minerva: It’s nothing personal. I just want cookies. Sugar cookies are one of my two weaknesses. You’ll never guess the other one!!!
Yoshi: Oh yeah?!
Minerva: Yeah! You’ll never find it in a million years!!!
Yoshi: What if I said you were FAT?!
Minerva: NOOO!!! NOT MY EGO!!!
Minerva: *shrivels up and dies*
Yoshi: Whoa, awesome!! And this means I WIN!!!!
Artemis: Ahh!! You killed Minerva!!
Yoshi: For two reasons. One, I’m crazy, you should have figured that out long ago. Two, I hated Minerva with a fiery passion that will never die, even though she did.
Minerva: *unshrivels and comes back to life* THAT’S WHAT YOU THINK!!!!
Opal: *flies through smashed window* I will get Artemis yet!!!
Yoshi: Ahh! It’s Opal Koboi!! *stares*
Artemis: *still tied up* Will you stop staring at us?!?!?!
Yoshi: Nevah!! And hey, Minerva, how come you did not totally die?
Minerva: You cannot kill me because I am a permanent character. You can, however, melt my face off or something cruel like that.
Yoshi: Great idea! *grabs flamethrower*
Minerva: *sighs* I should not have said that. Opal, you’re on your own on this one. *floats out window*
Opal: Oh, well. *picks Artemis up by rope and starts to fly out window*
Yoshi: Oh no you don’t! *grabs Artemis by the feet*
Opal: You can not defeat me! I will bio-bomb you all! *puts down Artemis and pulls out bio-bomb*
Yoshi: *grabs bio-bomb and throws it out window*
Minerva: HOLY…! *becomes vaporized by bio-bomb*
Yoshi: So there. Wait, will she come back or stay as bad-smelling Minerva vapor?
Minerva: *resolidifies* Come back. But I’ve had enough. It’s time for me to go home and yell at Bobo.
Yoshi: Okay, bye then. No hard feelings?
Minerva: Don’t talk to me. *floats off into distance and goes over horizon*
Opal: Great. *sighs* I think I’ll go off in a corner with a bowl of truffles. *leaves*
Yoshi: That was AWESOME!!
Artemis: Hey, I’m still tied up. Aren’t you going to do anything about that?
Yoshi: Oh, right. *steals Artemis’s left sock*
Artemis: Hey! I meant to untie me!!
Yoshi: Picky, picky, picky. *unties Artemis*
Artemis. That’s better. Let’s go back, Holly.
Holly: Okey doke.
Yoshi: Wait a minute!! You guys can’t leave yet!!
Artemis: Why not?
Yoshi: You forgot your mission!!
Artemis: THAT’S RIGHT! WE DID!!
Holly: Oh, pollution….page…
Holly: Hey, human, will you help us? We could use another person.
Yoshi: *puts hands on hips* I have a name, you know.
Holly: Okay, fine. Let me rephrase that. Hey, human-with-a-name, will you help us?
Yoshi: That’s not what I meant… Okay, whatever. Anyway, of COURSE I’ll help!
Artemis: Good. We need to go find somebody.
Yoshi: Who do you need to find?
Artemis: We need to find somebody named Yoshi. The Yoshi who steals everyone’s left socks.
Yoshi: *turns red* Ah, I don’t know if I can help you with that.
Artemis: Why not? And what’s your name?
Yoshi: Ahhh…. My name is…. Jim-Bob. And I can’t tell you why I can’t help you find Yoshi.
Artemis: *gives me skeptical look* Jim-Bob? You’re a girl.
Yoshi: Well, look who’s talking, mister goddess?
Artemis: *turns red* That name can be used for males and females!!
Yoshi: Well, whoever said ‘Jim-Bob’ can’t?
Holly: Will you both shut up? We need to find somebody who knows about this Yoshi character. Ah… Jim-Bob… do you know anybody?
Ally Kat: *comes in through window* I know Yoshi!!
Artemis: Good. Where can we find her?
Ally Kat: *points at me* Right there.
Artemis: *glares at me* You fiend!
Yoshi: Hey! She’s the one who sends you letter bombs!
Artemis: *switches glare to Ally Kat* So that was you!
Holly: Oh, gods. Well, at any rate, we have Yoshi.
Yoshi: OH NO YOU DON’T!! *picks up flamethrower* I’m keeping all the socks!!!
Yoshi: She’s also the one who sent you the Pokemon army!
Ally Kat: Oh, shut up! You’re the general, remember?
Yoshi: What’s that got to do with anything?
Ally Kat: That means you’re in charge of the army!
Artemis: Argh!! Will you two stop arguing? I’m taking you both in!!
Yoshi: Guess what else she does?
Ally Kat: You wouldn’t!
Yoshi: I would. ALLY KAT CRASHES FOALY’S COMPUTER!!
Ally Kat: What? It’s fun! And Artemis, it’s not like I’m crashing your computer, I only hack yours!
Artemis: *splutters* YOU HACK MY COMPUTER?!?!?
Ally Kat: What, is that a problem?
Artemis: YES, A VERY BIG PROBLEM!!!
Holly: *intrigued* What is the ‘very big problem’?
Artemis: MY DIARY IS ON THERE!!!
Ally Kat: *chuckles* Hmmm, I suppose I should go break that encryption then, now that I know what it’s protecting…
Artemis: DON’T YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!!!!
Ally Kat: *pulls out laptop* Oh, I’m thinking about it all right. *logs in to Artemis’s network*
Ally Kat: Boy, this is juicy!! Fanfiction is gonna LOVE this!!
Holly: *still intrigued* What’s so juicy?
Ally Kat: First of all, Arty really doesn’t secretly love lollipops. In fact, he’s afraid of them.
Artemis: *turns red*
Yoshi: That IS juicy! Why is he afraid of them?
Artemis: NOOO!! THAT’S PRIVATE!!
Ally Kat: He saw a TV show when he was little about giant monster lollipops, apparently.
Yoshi: Hey, Arty-boy, care to elaborate on that?
Artemis: *turns purple* The lollipops were eating people. I got nightmares, OKAY?!
Yoshi: Hey, Ally Kat, what else is on there?
Ally Kat: *shocked* Um, you should read this yourself.
Yoshi: *leans over, reads, becomes super-mega shocked* Wow, Arty. I didn’t know that.
Yoshi and Ally Kat: *simultaneously* Artemis reads ALL THE FANFICTIONS ON FANGATHERING!!
Artemis: *turns blue* It’s a way to pass the time. I DID NOT GET HOLLY PREGNANT!!!!!
Holly: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!?!!? *glares at Artemis*
Artemis: THAT’S WHAT SOME PSYCHOS SAID ON THAT SITE!!!
Holly: ….. Mud People. There’s no explaining them.
Kagome: Yes there is!! *jumps in through window* We’re all crazy!! That’s how you explain us.
Artemis: *sighs* We really need to get that window closed somehow. …page…
Yoshi: AAAAH!! The smoke alarm is going off!! Somebody’s burning down my house!!!
Ally Kat: You weren’t paying enough attention. I also sent for…
Ninja: *jumps through window and puts knife to Artemis’s throat*
Ally Kat: …..That.
Yoshi: Everybody needs to get out!! Including Mr. Ninja-who-I-am-going-to-kick-the-butt-of-for-threatening-Arty!! We’re out of room in here anyway!!
Ninja: MISTER ninja? *pulls off mask*
Yoshi: OH NO! It’s Opal Koboi again!!!
Holly: We need to get outside!! *jumps out window*
Ally Kat: *jumps out window*
Opal: *jumps out window carrying Artemis*
Yoshi: *jumps out window*
Kagome: *hops out window and sees everyone looking at her* Well, jumping got repetitive.
Yoshi: AAAAH!! Some crazy person set fire to my house!!
Ally Kat: Well, I still have the laptop. *continues to read Artemis’s diary*’
Artemis: What do I have to do to get you to stop reading my diary?
Ally Kat: Wait ’til I’m done is what you have to do. Ooh, here’s a juicy one. Guess what?
Everyone except Artemis and Ally Kat: What?
Ally Kat: ARTEMIS SLEEPS WITH A BLANKIE!!!!!!
Everyone: *super-mega-dee-dooperly shocked* …page…
Artemis: *turns green*
Yoshi: Heh. Heh heh. Heh heh HEHE HEHHEEH HEHEEHEHEHEHEHEAHAHEHHEAHHAHEHAHHEHAH!!!!!!
Artemis: You don’t have to laugh so loud.
Opal: Oh, that is priceless. I have to go put a camera in his bedroom. *flies off*
Yoshi: Ah hhah hah hah… *wipes tear away* At any rate, I have to get a new house. *looks at Ally Kat evilly*
Ally Kat: What?
Yoshi: HAH!!! *snatches laptop and hacks Ally Kat’s e-mail* Now I have your address!! *uses super-awesome psychic Yoshi power to transport the whole group to Ally Kat’s address*
Ally Kat: Hey!! Why didn’t you tell us you had super-awesome psychic Yoshi power?!
Yoshi: You didn’t ask. *looks at Ally Kat’s house critically* This will do.
Ally Kat: HEY!!
Yoshi: You burned down MY house. That gives me right to YOUR house.
Ally Kat: That was your fault!!
Yoshi: *snorts* Even if it was my fault, I’d blame you and still take your house. *goes inside*
Holly: Hey, we still need to arrest you two.
Yoshi: *pops head out door* And what happens to us, if you do arrest us?
Artemis: YOU, Yoshi, would have to go through sock-stealing therapy. YOU, Ally Kat, would have to go through computer therapy.
Yoshi: Who teaches these classes?
Artemis: Foaly and I do.
Yoshi and Ally Kat: WE’LL GO QUIETLY!!!!
Artemis: See, Holly, I told you.
Yoshi: I just have one more thing to say.
Holly: And what is that?
Yoshi: *steals Holly’s left sock*
Holly: I hope you give that back eventually. *puts cuffs on both of us*
Flare: *walks onto Ally Kat’s YOSHI’S lawn* You can’t go back yet!!!!
Holly and Artemis: Why not?
Flare: Because I haven’t gotten to DO anything yet!!!
Kagome: You have to admit, that’s good reasoning. …page…
Flare: Yoshi, you don’t HAVE to steal her house, you know.
Yoshi: Um, yes I do. She burned my house down.
Flare: Is it burned to the ground?
Yoshi: Umm, I would have to check. *uses super-awesome psychic Yoshi power to transport whole group to Yoshi’s old house*
Flare: Well, ONE room is burned to the ground.
Yoshi: *shrugs* That’s my sister’s bedroom. I don’t care either way. But the rest will soon burn down as well!!!
Flare: Maybe not. *pulls out walkie-talkie and starts speaking into it* Hey, Toushiro?
Toushiro: *out of walkie-talkie* Uh oh. Something tells me I’ll need my copy of “Fire Fighting for Amateurs”.
Flare: You’re right. Get over here quick, Yoshi’s house is on fire!!
Toushiro: *appears out of midair holding book* Was that quick enough?
Holly: …I’m not even going to ask how you got here.
Artemis: How is that book going to help with a fire if you have no resources?
Toushiro: Watch and learn. *opens book and points it at fire as book starts shooting water wildly*
Kagome: That is awesome! Where does the water come from?
Toushiro: Artemis’s private Jacuzzi’s water stash.
Ally Kat: Artemis has a private Jacuzzi?
Artemis: *turns yellow*
Yoshi: Hey, Artemis, what’s with the color changes??
Artemis: Normal people turn red, then purple. I don’t stop there.
Yoshi: ….. I can’t believe you sometimes. …page…
Yoshi: Hooray!! My house is saved!!!
Holly: It doesn’t really matter, you know. You will have to stay underground while in therapy.
Flare: So, that was pointless?
Artemis: Basically. Because once humans have gone through fairy therapy, they have to either stay underground forever, or be mindwiped and relocated to some other continent to prevent recall.
Yoshi: I think I’ll probably stay underground if those are my only choices.
Ally Kat: I wanna be adopted by Foaly!!!!
Artemis: I’ll have to ask Foaly about that. But as long as you’re neat and like carrots, you’ll probably be fine.
Ally Kat: BOOYAH!!
Yoshi: Hey, Arty-boy, why did you come from a dimensional hole?
Artemis: We do not exist in the same dimension. You live in one, and Holly and I live in another.
Yoshi: Coolness!!! *realizes something* Hey, where will I be staying?
Artemis: We did not have plans for the two of you, so I suppose you if you were to express a feasible preference–
Yoshi: FOWL MANOR!!!!!
Artemis: *splutters* What?!
Kagome: NO FAIR!!!!!
Toushiro: WE WANT THERAPY TOO!!!
Flare: YEAH!! THERAPY!!!
Ally Kat: Nope. Only the ones they say can go can go.
Artemis and Holly: You guys can come too.
Ally Kat: Drat.
Kagome, Toushiro and Flare: HOOORAAAAY!!!!!!
Kagome: I get crazy anime therapy!!!
Toushiro: I get crazy ninja person therapy!!!
Flare: I get general craziness therapy too!!!
Ally Kat: Nobody else gets adopted by Foaly!!!!
Yoshi: And I’m gonna stay at Arty’s house!!!
Artemis: No, you’re not!! You can stay at my underground visit room, but not at Fowl Manor.
Yoshi: What’s your underground visit room like?
Artemis: It’s pretty nice.
Yoshi: Okay, I’m sold. If it’s nice by Artemis Fowl’s standards, it’s more than good enough for me.
Artemis: Time to go, then. We’ll figure everything else out when we get there.
Whole group: *disappears*
Mysterious person who heard the whole thing: So that’s where they’re going. Better not lose any more time. *disappears*
Yoshi: COOLNESS!! WE’RE AT FOWL MANOR!! *runs around in a circle and falls over*
Artemis: Ahhh! Would you please stop?!
Yoshi: *gets up* Okay!
Butler: So how’d it go? And why are there so many extra people?
Artemis: They all need therapy. They’re Fanfiction loonies, so there are no guarantees, but I thought I would do for them what I could.
Sora Cullen Butler: Did somebody say Fanfiction? *walks into main area*
Butler: Who are you?! *puts hand on Sig Sauer*
Sora Cullen Butler: My last name is Butler. Who are you?
Butler: *perplexed* My last name is Butler. I’m Artemis’s bodyguard.
Sora Cullen Butler: And your first name is Domovoi, no doubt. Where is Juliet?
Butler: *glares* How do you know all this??
Artemis: Yoshi mentioned a book series. I think it’s Foaly’s idea of a joke.
Butler: Which one’s Yoshi?
Artemis: *points at Yoshi*
Yoshi: Yup, that’s me. Why do you ask?
Butler: You’re infamous for stealing socks around the globe.
Yoshi: *chuckles* Awesome.
Artemis: They’re all going through therapy soon.
Yoshi: Yup. *sighs* My reign of sock-stealing is just about over.
Sora Cullen Butler: What about me, anyway?
Artemis: As soon as you prove your heritage, you can stay at the lodge with Butler and Juliet.
Kagome: No fair! She gets to stay the closest to Fowl Manor!!
Toushiro: That is not fair at all!
Flare: I wanna stay at the lodge!!
Angeline: *comes down stairs* What is this??
Artemis: Ahh… Foaly leaked my story somehow and now I have a fan club.
Angeline: Isn’t that nice? Where are they all staying?
Artemis: What do you mean, where are they staying? They live around here.
Angeline: No, they don’t. They’ve all got different accents.
Yoshi: You’re right. We aren’t from around here. *ignores Artemis’s glare* I’m American, and so is Ally Kat, and I don’t know where everyone else lives, but not around here.
Angeline: Well, I’ll save you the trouble of getting a hotel room and just let you all stay here. We definitely have enough room, and it’s no trouble.
Artemis: *pales, bites lip and swallows hard*
Fanfiction peeps: *widen eyes* REALLY?!??!
Angeline: Yes, really. *smiles at Artemis* It’s good for Arty to have people his age around him. He’s only had practice intimidating his peers before now.
Artemis: *turns red*
Yoshi: *tries not to explode with happiness and almost fails*
Artemis: But… They’re my fan club! How can you predict the outcome of this encounter?
Angeline: First of all, if you have a fan club already you will need to learn to deal with your fans. Second of all, you need to practice your social skills with someone who will easily forgive you for any blunders. Third, they look nice enough.
Artemis: *sighs* I guess I don’t have a choice. Fan club, please follow me, and I’ll show you your rooms.
Ally Kat: I want to be adopted by Foaly, remember?
Artemis: We’ll figure that out tomorrow.
Yoshi: Where are Beckett and Myles?
Artemis: Beckett is up in the playroom, and Myles is in his ‘lab’.
Yoshi: Cool. Now where’s the room?
Artemis: *perplexed* What do Beckett and Myles have to do with the temperature?
Yoshi: *perplexed* Oh, you meant… ‘Cool’ is an informal saying along the lines of ‘Good’ or ‘Perfect’ or ‘All right’.
Artemis: I understand. You neurotypical people and your phrases.
Yoshi: Oh, I wouldn’t say I was neurotypical. But I take your point.
Artemis: *leads group to separate rooms*…page…
Toushiro: *sneaks into Yoshi’s room*
Yoshi: *closes door* Okay, what the dog doo are you doing in here?
Toushiro: Do you know the way to Artemis’s room?
Yoshi: I know the general way. He headed up a flight of stairs after leading me here, but I think I could find it if I had to. Why do you ask?
Toushiro: *puts on innocent expression* Oh, no reason.
Yoshi: Darn. I was hoping you would suggest us all hide in Arty’s room and scare him to bits.
Toushiro: *gives Yoshi surprised look* How did you know that?
Yoshi: I have super-awesome psychic Yoshi power, remember?
Toushiro: You mean you can read people’s MINDS??
Yoshi: Eh… Not really. You just had this look on your face that made me think you were up to something.
Toushiro: So, you’re in?
Yoshi: Of course!! *grins*
Toushiro: Good! I’ve already got everybody else too!!!
LATER, IN ARTEMIS FOWL’S BEDROOM…
Artemis: Ah, it’s nice to be away from all those Fanfiction loonies. *sits down on bed*
Yoshi: *desperately tries not to steal sock from under bed*
Artemis: Although they’re more fun to be around than Minerva. Not as smart, maybe, but more unpredictable.
Ally Kat: *covers mouth and turns red in attempt to not burst out laughing*
Toushiro: *shushes Ally Kat*
Artemis: What the… What was that noise? *checks under bed*
Everybody under bed: BOO!!!!!
Artemis: WAAAAAAAAAGHHH!!!!!! *falls over*
Yoshi: Finally, you noticed us! *steals left sock*
Artemis: HOW ON EARTH DID YOU GUYS GET IN HERE?!?!?!
Toushiro: What do you mean, how did we get in here? We opened the door and walked right in!
Artemis: But that door has a NUMBER LOCK ON IT!!!
Yoshi: You’re right. We did get a little help.
Juliet: *walks out of closet* Hello, Artemis.
Artemis: You helped these psychopaths break into my room?!
Juliet: Why not? They gave me a wrestling video, and all they were doing was scaring you.
Fanfiction peeps: Oh bleep!! *run out door*
Butler: *walks in* What is it, Artemis?
Artemis: The guests broke into my room. Just go watch the surveillance tape!
Butler: *watches surveillance tape*
Butler: *busts out laughing*
Artemis: I can see that I’m not going to get any help in this matter. Heaven knows what those loonies will do tomorrow….page…THE NEXT MORNING IN ALLY KAT’S ROOM…
Artemis: Wake up. Mom says I have to get all you people up personally.
Ally Kat: Five more minutes.
Artemis: I don’t have time for this. Wake up.
Ally Kat: Don’t make me get out my seashell sword.
Artemis: And where do you keep your seashell sword?
Ally Kat: *retrieves sword from under pillow, leaps across room and puts sword to Artemis’s neck* Right here.
Artemis: Eh heh heh…. BUUUTTTLLLEEERRR!!!!
Butler: *runs into room* What the…
Ally Kat: *releases Artemis*
Artemis: *rubs neck* Butler, maybe you should accompany me to wake up the others.
Artemis and Butler: *walk out of room*
Ally Kat: *pulls walkie-talkie from pillowcase and speaks into it* The Irish boy is headed your way, but he’s got Butler with him. I’ll cause a distraction.
Kagome: *out of walkie-talkie* Good. Heh heh heh.
IN KAGOME’S ROOM…
Artemis: Hello, you need to wake up.
Ally Kat: *outside room* Aaaiiiiiieeeeeeee!!!!!
Butler: What is THAT?! *runs out of room*
Kagome: HAH!!! *drops sack over Artemis*
Butler: *runs back into room* What did I… OH MY GOD!!!
Kagome: Curses, foiled again. *releases Artemis*
Artemis: *shivers* Crazy ninja girl next. Do we really have to?
Butler: If she wakes up on her own, she could surprise you without you even knowing she was up.
Artemis: Okay, okay.
IN TOUSHIRO’S ROOM…
Artemis: *clinging to Butler’s leg* Wake up and DON’T ATTACK ME!!!
Toushiro: Dang. *puts away Japanese ninja weapons*
Artemis: Hey, ninja lady, will you help me wake up Yoshi?
Toushiro: I have to get dressed. You’re on your own.
Artemis: Uh oh.
IN YOSHI’S ROOM…
Artemis: WAKE UP AND DON’T KILL ME!!!!!
Yoshi: *puts pillow over head* Two things. One, I wouldn’t kill you, I would kidnap you. Two, you act like everyone you woke up before me tried to do both.
Artemis: They did.
Yoshi: Whatever. *throws pillow at Artemis*
Artemis: Breakfast is downstairs. *leaves*
IN FLARE’S ROOM…
Artemis: Eh… Wake up.
Flare: *throws fireball at Artemis’s head* Go away.
Flare: Keep it down, will ya?
Artemis: *hurriedly* Okay, you’re up. Goodbye. *leaves*
AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE…
Angeline: How did everybody sleep?
Kagome: Just wonderfully. *grins angelically*
Ally Kat: *smiles*
Artemis: *rolls eyes*
Angeline: What do you have planned for today?
Artemis: I thought I’d take them to meet some friends.
Angeline: *nods knowingly* Take care.
Artemis: Don’t worry. It won’t be that much of a catastrophe.
Fanfiction peeps: *under breath* Don’t bet on that. …page…Angeline: I trust you can take care of yourselves the rest of the day. *goes up stairs*
Artemis: Time to go to therapy. *leads everyone outside*
Ally Kat: What exactly are we doing out here?
Artemis: Looking for something. Ah, here it is. *opens door out of nowhere*
Kagome: What the… Where did that come from?!
Artemis: It’s a stealth shuttle. We can’t go out in a regular LEP shuttle or people might be alarmed by it. *leads everyone inside and sits down in passenger side*
Flare: Goodness, there’s no room in stealth shuttles either!!
Holly: There’s actually more room in here than standard LEP shuttles. You’re just bigger than the average fairy.
Yoshi: Whatever, let’s just go.
Holly: Okey doke. *starts engine and starts flying*
Artemis: How are you doing back there?
Everyone in back: *cramped* Not too good.
Holly: That’s not very host-like of you, making them all sit back there like that.
Artemis: They have yet to act guest-like.
Kagome: *chuckles* Fair enough.
Holly: We’re here. *opens door*
Toushiro: That was fast.
Holly: New boosters. Developed by —
Foaly: *clops up to door* Me.
Ally Kat: OMIGOSH!!!! *leaps out door and hugs Foaly* ADOPT ME!!!!
Foaly: Um. Little help, Holly?
Ally Kat: *releases Foaly*
Artemis: Come on. *leads everyone to therapy room* This is where our therapy will be.
Foaly: You guys, sit down in those desks, and we can begin.
Everyone: *sits down*
Foaly: Now, you guys will take turns saying why you act why you do, so we can help fix it. You’ll be taking this therapy with somebody else, too.
Opal Koboi: *walks through door* Me. *sighs* It’s a pity. I wasn’t unhappy being all crazy, it’s just that nobody would agree to my plans for world domination.
Kagome: OPAL YOU’RE MY IDOL!!!
Opal: *fixes Kagome with cool stare* My first devoted fan. I wasn’t aware that you were going to be human.
Kagome: Well, I am.
Foaly: Opal. Why do you try to take over the world?
Opal: Because right now idiots like you run it, and I figure I can do much better.
Foaly: *rolls eyes* Ally Kat, why do you write fanfics and threaten people with your seashell sword?
Ally Kat: To work my way up to get a chance to be adopted by you.
Foaly:…..Okay then. Toushiro, why do you choose to be a crazy ninja?
Toushiro: Because it’s fun and nobody threatens me, EVER.
Foaly: What about you, Flare?
Flare: It’s no fun to control fire and be sane.
Foaly: Ever try not controlling fire?
Flare: Ever try not breathing for ten minutes? Possible, but no fun whatsoever. Same principle.
Foaly: Okay, Kagome. Why are you so crazy?
Kagome: Because it’s entertaining and it gets people to update quicker.
Foaly: How about you, Yoshi?
Yoshi: Sock-stealing is FUN!!! And being associated with a light blue Yoshi is also fun!!!
Foaly: Oooookay. You know what, maybe we don’t need all these different therapies. Whoever’s obsessed with Artemis, raise your hand.
Flare, Yoshi, Ally Kat, and Toushiro: *raise hands*
Holly: *raises Artemis’s hand*
Artemis: *glares daggers at Holly*
Foaly: Whoever’s obsessed with Opal, raise your hand.
Kagome and Opal: *raise hands*
Foaly: Okay, looks like we can do obsession therapy. Why are you guys obsessed?
Everyone except Foaly, Artemis and Holly: BECAUSE THEY ARE AMAZINGLY AWESOME!!!
Foaly: Okay, time for you guys to leave.
Yoshi: But why do we have to leave so soon?
Artemis: We agreed that the sessions would end whenever either of us got a headache.
Foaly: And by the looks of it, you guys will be leaving within half an hour of whenever you get here every time.
Everyone else: *sighs and leaves* …page…
BACK AT FOWL MANOR…
Artemis: Now let’s just go back inside and —
Vera: *jumps out of woods* Hi peoples!!!
Artemis: Aaauugh!!! Another Fanfic loony?!?!
Vera: Yup. *grins*
Artemis: Do I have to house you too?!
Vera: I would appreciate it, seeing as I have nowhere else to go.
Artemis: *sighs deeply* Fine. Join the group. *leads everyone inside*
Sora Cullen Butler: *walks into main room* Why didn’t I get therapy??
Artemis: You didn’t act crazy enough. *sighs* I’ll add you and this new person, now that you ask, though.
Ally Kat: Where were you, Vera?
Vera: Following you guys. It wasn’t easy to track the dimensional tunnel.
Kagome: Well, here. *hands Vera walkie-talkie* That’s for any mischief we might cook up. Everyone else has one too.
Vera: You guys aren’t exactly the perfect guests, are you?
Kagome: *chuckles evilly* That depends on your definition of perfect guests.
LATER, IN YOSHI’S ROOM…
Yoshi: So, I called this meeting for everyone’s favorite hobby, irritating the living crap out of Arty dear.
Ally Kat, Kagome, Toushiro, Flare, Sora Cullen Butler, and Vera: Hear hear!!
Yoshi: So does anyone have a plan?
Toushiro: How are we s’posed to get at him with Butler around??
Yoshi: Ah, we have something they could never hope to match us in.
Ally Kat: Awesomeness?
Yoshi: Randomness. *grins*
Sora Cullen Butler: So what are you thinking?
Yoshi: I’m thinking we should do something Artemis’d never ever expect.
Vera: Like what?
Yoshi: *smiles quite evilly* Asking Butler for help. …page…
Butler: *chuckles* You guys don’t stop, do you?
Fanfiction peeps: *waiting nervously*
Butler: I guess I could help, if you’re not going to hurt him.
Everyone else: YAY!!!
Random kitty: *leaps through window* PET ME!!!
Yoshi: What the… Oh, all right. *pets random kitty*
Random kitty: *purrs* That’s better. Maybe I can help you with your plan.
Yoshi: Do tell. *continues petting random kitty*
Random kitty: So you’re planning to irritate Artemis Fowl?
Kagome: Yeah, we are. Just spit out whatever you were going to say.
Random kitty: Fine. I was going to suggest, for starters, doing something along the lines of putting a whoopee cushion on his seat.
Yoshi: We don’t have a whoopee cushion. Any other ideas?
Random kitty: Fine, how about you just get his clothes all messy and gross somehow?
Everyone but random kitty and Butler: *look at each other* Yeah!!!
LATER, IN ARTEMIS’S BEDROOM:
Artemis: *walks in* What are you guys doing in here?
Random kitty: Purrrr… *rubs against Artemis’s legs and gets cat hair all over them*
Artemis: What is a a cat doing in here?
Everyone else: Surprise!!! *throw pencils at Artemis*
Artemis: What is this about? What’re you throwing pencils at me for??
Flare: Because the pencils are full of GREEN SLIME!!!
Pencils: *blow up, covering Artemis with green slime*
Fanfiction peeps: Mission accomplished!!! *high fives*
Artemis: Lucky for me, I just finished my new invention, the DeSlimer 2000!!! *pulls little pink striped box from pocket and vacuums up all the slime with it*
Vera: *stares at little pink striped box* Where’d you get that color??
Artemis: *grimaces* Juliet helped design it. Anyway, I win this round!!!
Random kitty: Oh no, you don’t!!! *leaps at little pink striped box, breaking it and causing the slime to spatter all over Artemis again*
Fanfiction peeps: WE WIN!! OH YEAH!!…page…
THE NEXT MORNING AT BREAKFAST…
Artemis: *glaring slightly, with dark circles under his eyes*
Sora Cullen Butler: Jeez, Artemis, you look terrible.
Artemis: Coping with defeat is not my strong point.
Flare: You mean you couldn’t sleep because we pulled a prank on you??
Artemis: *grins evilly* No, because I was planning my revenge.
Angeline: What did you guys do to him last night?!
Toushiro: Um, we kind of covered him in green slime.
Angeline: *widens eyes and chuckles* I would have to guess he didn’t like that.
Kagome: Well, he had an invention that cleaned it up…
Ally Kat: But we broke it and he got covered in slime again. *giggles in spite of herself*
Angeline: Well, you best be careful then. His revenge will be swift and possibly humiliating.
Artemis: *grins evilly*
Fanfiction peeps: *look at each other* Uh oh.
LATER THAT MORNING, IN HAVEN THERAPY…
Foaly: Okay, time for therapy. Today we have two new people, Vera and Sora Cullen Butler.
Everyone else (Artemis sarcastically): Yay, new crazies!!!
Foaly: Yes, new crazies. But since we’re now running Obsession Therapy, we don’t need for them to say why they’re obsessed. We know all too well. Instead, Artemis is going to make a speech, because he’s the one you’re all mostly obsessed with.
Opal and Kagome: Why do WE have to listen to it??
Foaly: Unless you want me to give you a lecture on how my latest invention works?
Opal and Kagome: Never mind. We’ll listen to Artemis instead.
Artemis: *starts speech*
FIVE HOURS LATER…
Artemis: …And that’s what you need to do in order to build a revolving magnetic field.
Everyone else: *snoring with heads on desks*
Foaly: *wakes up and rubs eyes* Is it over?
Artemis: *slightly hoarsely* Yes, and everyone else is asleep. Time to get them back for covering me with slime.
HALF AN HOUR LATER, ON THE SHUTTLE TO ABOVEGROUND…
Fanfiction peeps: *wake up wearing chicken costumes*
Vera: AAAAACK!!! I’M WEARING A CHICKEN COSTUME!!!!
Artemis: *chuckling evilly* No kidding.
Yoshi: WHAT THE FRICK?!?
Toushiro: OH, ARTEMIS, YOU ARE SO ASKING FOR IT!!!!
Kagome: THIS IS IT!!!
Ally Kat: GET THE MUD BOY!!!
Fanfiction peeps: *circle around Artemis and start pecking him viciously*
Holly: Um, we’re here, you guys. If you can stop pecking Arty long enough to get out.
Artemis: *jumps out of shuttle and runs inside, followed by a horde of furious chickens* BUTLER HELP ME!!!
Butler: What the (censored in order to keep my story profanity-free) is going on?!
Artemis: I’M BEING PECKED TO DEATH BY A MOB OF MY ANGRY FANS DRESSED AS CHICKENS!!!!!!
Angeline: *smiles* I guess your revenge didn’t work as well as you hoped…
Artemis: Now I have to plan my revenge for my revenge!!!
Ally Kat: Give it up, Mud Boy!!! *pecks Artemis again* …page…
THE NEXT MORNING…
Artemis: *yawns and gets up* Well, the Fanfiction loonies didn’t kill me last night.
Butler: *sitting by door with dark circles under eyes* They tried. Particularly Ninja Girl, Yoshi, and that one I think you called Kagome.
Artemis: *glances out window and sees person looking in* Aaaaack!!!! Wait, that’s not one of our registered Fanfiction loonies. Who IS that?!
Butler: *opens window* Who on earth are YOU?
Wishes: *climbs in window carrying backpack* My name is Wishes. I heard that you were running crazy therapy.
Artemis: So you mean you will go to therapy quietly?
Wishes: *chuckles* I guess. I just want to see Foaly try to give ME therapy.
Artemis: Oooookay then. Are you going to be on my side or the crazy side?
Wishes: Um, what?
Kagome: *breaks in through door* He means are you going to be on our side or his side!!!
Wishes: For what?
Artemis: Revenge!!! *hurls water balloon at Kagome*
Kagome: *slices balloon in half and splatters floor with contents* Artemis, you filled this balloon with PAINT?!
Artemis: ….Urgh. The carpet is ruined now.
Wishes: I think I’m gonna be on the crazy side, thank you very much. *walks over and links arms with Kagome*
Kagome: Welcome to the world of crazies. Let’s join the others and plan our revenge.
Wishes and Kagome: *walk off*
Artemis: Time for me to plan MY revenge. *sits down in the lotus position*
IN YOSHI’S ROOM…
Yoshi: I called this meeting in honor of the terrible tragedy that befell us; namely, falling asleep in therapy and getting dressed as chickens.
Everyone except Wishes: *grumble and glare in Artemis’s room’s general direction*
Wishes: He dressed you guys as CHICKENS???
Flare: Yeah, and he nearly got pecked to death for it.
Toushiro: That’s why he’s planning his revenge. And that’s why we are planning OUR revenge. And that’s why we probably need to hurry if we want to get our revenge in first.
Wishes: Well, I brought these for no good reason… *pulls box of markers from backpack*
Everyone else: *look at each other* Cool!
Vera: Those look like something that Beckett would like.
Yoshi: *smiles* Well, maybe we should give them to him, for a price.
LATER, IN THE PLAYROOM…
Yoshi: Hey, Beckett, will you help us with something?
Beckett: What does you need help wif?
Myles: *walks in* Brother dear, your grammar is terrible.
Sora Cullen Butler: Hey, Myles, we could use your help too, I guess.
Beckett: We’re listening to you now, okay?
Myles: Yes, we’re listening.
Yoshi: You see, we need your help. Artemis dressed us up as chickens and we want to get him back.
Myles: So, it’s revenge you’re after. I’ll help you, for a price.
Wishes: What’s the price?
Myles: *smiles mischieviously* Cookies. But we’ll need Mountain Dew for my plan.
Beckett: I can’t have Mountain Dew. It crazifies me.
Myles: *smiles hugely*
Everyone else: Uh oh.
IN ARTEMIS’S ROOM…
Artemis: Now I’ll just go and finish my revenge… Wait, what was that noise?
Beckett: *on total Mountain Dew high* WOOOOHOOOOO!!!!! *jumps out and scribbles all over Artemis’s suit*
Artemis: WAAAAGH!!! *runs out of room*
Beckett: Oooh ooooh ooh ooh ooh!!! *runs in room and draws demented Spongebobs all over Artemis’s wall in permanent marker*
Fanfiction peeps: *standing outside door in awe*
Ally Kat: Myles, how do you LIVE with this kid???
Myles: *smiling in a satisfied manner* The simple-toon is dangerous on soda high, isn’t he? …page…
Fanfiction peeps: *walking back to rooms* Wow, that was awesome!!! Did you see Arty’s expression?
Artemis: MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! *pulls lever, making purple muck fall on Fanfiction peeps*
Fanfiction peeps: *huddle for a couple seconds, then face Artemis* We’ve come to a conclusion…
Ally Kat: GET THE STUPID MUD BOY!!!!
Fanfiction peeps: *charge after Artemis*
Artemis: AAAAAAACK!!!!!! *runs away*
Wishes: Wait, guys. Chasing him is not going to do us any good. We need to plan.
Kagome: *sighs* But I wanna chase him…
Yoshi: He’ll be expecting that. What we need to do is beat him at his own game.
Ally Kat: I hope you’re thinking something cruel and unusual.
Yoshi: *smiles evilly* That I am.
THE NEXT MORNING…
Artemis: Wow, I’m still alive.
Butler: *sitting near door with dark circles under eyes and singed eyebrows* Believe me, you wouldn’t be if they had anything to say about it.
Artemis: Well, if they don’t retaliate, they won’t be humiliated again.
Butler: I hardly believe that — *Butler’s phone rings and he answers it* Who are you?…..Where?…..How do I know this isn’t a trap?…..Fine, I’ll be there. *closes phone* Artemis, I have to leave, and you can’t come with me. They say they know about the People, and we both know that that is bad news. So I’ll be gone today.
Artemis: Okay, Butler. I guess one day alone won’t be deadly, although I may lose a couple limbs at the hands of the Fanfiction group. *chuckles at own joke*
Butler: *seriously* Don’t underestimate them, Artemis. *leaves*
Artemis: Uh oh… Now I have to wake them all up… *looks thoughtfully at suit of armor*
LATER, IN ALLY KAT’S ROOM…
Artemis: *clanking in* What the… Where on earth is Ally Kat? *sees note on door and reads it aloud* ‘I bet you’re wondering about your little guests, aren’t you? To find them and get them back, you must follow these instructions. First, you’ll get a phone call. Do what the person on the other end says. Tracking the phone line is pointless, although it would be entertaining if you tried. Don’t try anything funny.’
Myles: *walking in* Artemis, this is serious. You have to go after them.
Artemis: But…*Artemis’s phone rings* This is the phone call! *answers it*
Ally Kat: *in a voice that sounds like Butler* Artemis?
Artemis: Butler! What’s going on?!
Ally Kat: You need to go to this address. *says address*
Artemis: Should I bring Juliet?
Ally Kat: No! You seriously don’t know what you’re dealing with, do you?
Artemis: No, I don’t.
Ally Kat: They say they have Beckett.
Artemis: *instantly* I’m going right now.
AT THE ADDRESS…
Artemis: This is one of those rental houses… *goes inside and jumps as the door shuts and locks behind him*
Artemis’s phone: *rings*
Artemis: *answers phone* Yes?
Ally Kat: *in creepy Mafia voice* Good, you’re here.
Artemis: Yes, I am. I assume you’re not going to tell me your name?
Ally Kat: Not until the time is right. Do you know why you’re here?
Artemis: *tries door* No, I don’t.
Ally Kat: Well, we heard you’re a genius. So we decided; if you get through to the last room of this house, and find your fans and little brother, then we’re prepared to call it even. But if you don’t, and give up, we get to keep you in a basement with only bread and Kool-Aid to eat.
Artemis: Don’t worry, I won’t give up. *goes into next room*
Bucket of dwarf spit: *falls on Artemis’s head*
Artemis: What the… *is frozen by dwarf spit*
Fanfiction peeps: *come into room* Hi Artemis.
Artemis: What on earth???
Vera: We planned this out because of the slime and the chicken costumes. Do you like our revenge so far?
Artemis: Um… This is okay, compared to the slime.
Kagome: *smiles nastily* Oh, this is not all we’re going to do.
Yoshi: But what ARE we going to do??
Wishes: Let’s take a vote!
Ally Kat: LET’S MAKE HIM MEET BARNEY!!
Yoshi: Barney would likely be too painful.
Toushiro: Jeez, you listen to peaceful people too much.
Wishes: Can we strap him to a chair and make Elmo make out with him?
Artemis: *eyes roll back in head and starts screaming* NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yoshi: *shudders* That would scar ME for life.
Ally Kat: Jeez, we come up with all these great ideas and you come up with zilch!
Yoshi: Why don’t we all stand in a circle and poke him continuously?
Everyone else: *thinking about it*
Ally Kat: Why don’t we be nice and let him go.
Ally Kat: *whispers in Toushiro’s ear*
Toushiro: Yeah, let’s be nice and let him go.
Everyone else: Have you two gone CRAZY?!?!
Fanfiction peeps: *huddle and whisper amongst themselves*
Artemis: What are you doing?
Fanfiction peeps: We’re going to let you go on good faith, if you promise not to seek revenge.
Artemis: *disbelievingly* You’re going to let me go?
Fanfiction peeps: *nod and start picking off the dwarf spit*
Artemis: WOOHOO!!! I GET TO LIVE!!!
Toushiro: Let’s go back to Fowl Manor now.
Everyone else: Yeah….page…
THE NEXT MORNING…
Artemis: Wow! Maybe they really were that freaked out by the thought of my revenge.
Butler: They didn’t even attempt to kill you too many times last night.
Artemis: I guess I don’t need the suit of armor to wake them all up this morning.
LATER, AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE…
Angeline: It’s nice to hear all you guys are friends again.
Fanfiction peeps: *smile angelically*
Artemis: Well, we’re probably all going to stay around here today.
Angeline: Well, I’m going to a movie with your dad, Arty, and I think that if you are all on good terms, you can take care of yourselves.
Artemis: You’re probably right.
Fanfiction peeps: Let’s play Frisbee outside!
LATER THAT MORNING, IN YOSHI’S ROOM…
Yoshi: So, who are we gonna call to make the threats?
Vera: Why don’t we call the Mob in Chicago?
Yoshi: *shocked* Don’t they want him dead?
Vera: *grins knowingly* They work for payment. They wanted him dead because Spiro was paying them. If WE pay them, they’ll do whatever we say.
Flare: Sounds good to me. *pulls cell phone out of pocket and calls the Antonellis*
Yoshi: Do we really need to mess with the Mob?
Sora Cullen Butler: Jeez, Yoshi, has your brain gotten un-wonkified or something??
Yoshi: I don’t know. *bites lip*
Flare: *into phone* Yeah, I need you guys for something. It concerns Artemis Fowl. *listens intently* No, I don’t work for Spiro. I’m in Ireland, but I’m prepared to pay anything you ask. *listens intently again* Yes, I’m certain we have enough money. And no, you don’t have to kill Fowl, we’re just making a deal. Just send someone intimidating. *listens intently again* You guys do know where Fowl Manor is, don’t you? Just find someplace around there. Thank you. Good-bye. *hangs up*
Vera: Did you get them?
Flare: I got their help.
Toushiro: *perplexed* But how are you going to pay them??
Flare: You know how Artemis sent millions from Swiss banks to the Fowl account? I hacked into McDonald’s, and borrowed a couple thousand, putting it under an assumed name.
Yoshi: Smart. So now we’ve got somebody from the Mob to do our bidding. Who’ll go to videotape?
Wishes: I’m the one who owns the video recorder. *pulls video recorder from backpack*’
Ally Kat: Then you go, but make sure you get a good video.
Yoshi: And stay out of sight, or this whole thing will fall apart.
Everyone: *goes outside*
Everyone but Wishes: *starts playing Frisbee*
Wishes: *calls Antonelli* You know the person who called a couple minutes ago? I work for them. Can you tell your man to pick me up at Fowl Manor? *listens intently* Yes, you’re working with a bunch of kids. But we’re an obscenely rich bunch of kids. …page…
Artemis: *jumps as phone rings and answers it*
Mobster: *on other end* Are you Artemis Fowl?
Artemis: Yes, who are you?
Mobster: I’m a mobster, can’t you tell just from my voice? I think it deserves at least a little shiver in fear.
Artemis: *shrugs and shivers in fear*
Mobster: Thank you. Now, down to business. We have a business proposition for you.
Artemis: What kind?
Mobster: The kind where you do what we say or you become, shall we say, rather unlucky.
Artemis: *shivers* Meaning what?
Mobster: We curse you and you start tripping a lot more than normal and you spill drinks at embarrassing times.
Artemis: *shudders in horror* So what do you need me to do?
Mobster: Go to this address. *says address of abandoned warehouse*
Artemis: *suspiciously looks out the window at group of Fanfiction peeps playing Frisbee* Who do you work for?
Mobster: I work for nobody but Spatz Antonelli.
Artemis: *internally* Uh oh…
Mobster: Be there soon, or else. *hangs up*
Artemis: Dang. He hung up first. *leaves to go to abandoned warehouse*
LATER, AT THE ABANDONED WAREHOUSE…
Artemis: *walks in warily* Hello?
Mobster: Hello. Do you see this pool of acid? *gestures toward huge tub of acid*
Artemis: Yes, I do. But how are you going to threaten me with it? I already know you don’t have my family, and I probably don’t like those Fanfiction loonies enough to do whatever you say.
Mobster: Yes, but I have a better hostage. *pulls Artemis’s favorite blanket out of pocket and holds it over pool of acid*
Artemis: NOOOO!!!!!! NOT MY BLUE BLANKET!!!!!!
Mobster: Yes. *chuckles evilly* Now are you ready to deal?
Artemis: *sniffles* Yes.
Mobster: What you have to do is…
Wishes: *hidden in corner, whispering to self and videotaping* Everyone else is going to LOVE this.
Mobster: Dance around in your underpants and sing this song. *hands Artemis lyrics to Gir Song*
Artemis: What the flip is this rubbish?! I don’t even know the tune!!
Mobster: Here, we’ll play the song right now. *pulls laptop out of briefcase, looks up Gir Song on Youtube and plays it*
Artemis: I am NOT singing this!!!!
Mobster: *dangles blanket over acid pool*
Artemis: Okay, okay!!! Turn on the song!!!
Mobster: You forgot the ‘underpants’ part.
Artemis: *grumbles and takes off outer clothing*
Mobster: Happy dancing. And I’m not going to turn on the song, you get to sing it without musical backup.
Artemis: *starts halfheartedly dancing*
Mobster: Come on, dance with gusto!
Artemis: OKAY, OKAY!!! *dancing around in underpants and singing loudly*
My name is Gir,
Here’s my cupcake,
it’s always here,
When I’m awake!
I like to sing,
A doomy song,
it’s better than,
wearing a thong!
I like to dance,
I go to raves,
I am a star!
I must obey
the taco man,
but not destroy,
Zim’s master plan!
Because I am Gir,
And G stands for, I don’t know!
And I got chocolate bubblegum
And watch the scary monkey show!
If I could explode,
That would be great,
With bacon soap,
And moosie fate!
It is the Irkins
But I am tight,
With 50 Cent!
NOW LET ME OUT OF HERE YOU PSYCHOPATH!!!!
Mobster: *falling over laughing* That’s not part of the song!
Artemis: AAAAAARGH!!!! *puts regular clothes back on and runs out door*
Wishes: *hits stop on video recorder* I better get back to Fowl Manor now!!
LATER THAT DAY, IN YOSHI’S ROOM…
Ally Kat: Did you get the video? Didja didja didja?
Wishes: I got the video! But I think we shouldn’t ever mention this to Artemis! He might strangle us!
Ally Kat: Well, put it in!!!!
Wishes: *puts video in video player and turns on TV*
Everyone: *watching video in awe*
Wishes: *as video ends* Cool or what?
Everyone else: *in shock* That was…
Everyone else except Yoshi: THE BEST REVENGE EVER!!!
Yoshi: What is WRONG with you people?!
Everyone else: *staring in shock at Yoshi*
Toushiro: There is something very wrong going on with Yoshi……page…Yoshi: There’s nothing wrong with me!
Toushiro: You’re right, and that’s what scares me.
Wishes: Only one way to see how bad it truly is. *dangles left sock foot in front of Yoshi*
Yoshi: I no longer feel the urge to steal left socks…
Everyone else: *shocked*
Flare: We need to get you in to see a doctor, right away!!!
Sora Cullen Butler: I know one, from my blue-diamond training. He lives up in the mountains, and mostly keeps to himself. But he specializes in re-crazification.
Kagome: But how are we going to get there??
Ally Kat: I think Wishes has a golf cart sitting outside.
Wishes: That’s right. It’ll take us there.
Yoshi: A golf cart will take us from here to the mountains of Japan??
Wishes: Yes. You’ll see.
Everyone: *goes outside and gets into golf cart*
Toushiro: Jeez, this thing’s small…
Wishes: Everybody on? Okay then… *pushes magic button*
Everyone: *teleports to Japanese mountain, next to creepy old shack*
Ally Kat: You okay, Yoshi?
Yoshi: ….Can’t hold on to craziness much longer…
Sora Cullen Butler: Don’t worry, this’ll only take a second. *walks up to door and knocks*
Spongebob: *answers door* Visitors!
Yoshi: Okay, that’s it. *tries to walk away*
Ally Kat: Oh no you don’t!!! *grabs the back of Yoshi’s shirt* You’re staying right here!!!
Spongebob: So, this looks like an acute case of uncrazification. There’s only one cure. *goes back inside*
Kagome: Sora, you could have told us that the healer is Spongebob…
Sora Cullen Butler: *shrugs* You didn’t ask.
Spongebob: *comes back outside* Here we are. *hands Krabby Patty to Yoshi*
Yoshi: Ooh, a burger. *eats Krabby Patty*
Everyone else: *waiting expectantly*
Yoshi: Now, where was I? *steals Spongebob’s left sock*
Everyone else: HOORAY!!!
Toushiro: How long do the effects of the Krabby Patty last?
Spongebob: Well, it’s permanent if it’s a re-crazification. It lasts twenty-four hours if the person never was crazy.
Ally Kat: Why do you ask, Toushiro?
Toushiro: Well, just think of the mischief we could cause.
Sora Cullen Butler: We could feed one to Artemis…
Yoshi: An entertaining idea…
Vera: Or we could tell Butler we made it ourselves and give him one!!!
Kagome: That would be risky and hilarious at the same time.
Wishes: Or maybe we could give one to Myles and sic him on Artemis…
Yoshi: Let’s figure this out back at Fowl Manor! Hey, Spongebob, how many patties can you spare?
Spongebob: Well, I only have three on hand… *hands Yoshi burgers*
Yoshi: Three sounds good. Now, let’s get back to Fowl Manor…
Fanfiction peeps: *grin evilly* …page…
BACK AT FOWL MANOR…
Yoshi: So, what do we do with them?
Ally Kat: One has to go to Artemis. Has to.
Kagome: Beckett is already crazy, but Myles would be a wonderful help.
Yoshi: Butler may very well be too dangerous to crazify.
Wishes: Safety is dull. Butler gets one.
Vera: How do we get them to eat them?
Toushiro: We can threaten Artemis if he won’t eat it.
Sora Cullen Butler: People are hooked after one bite. We can force him to take a single bite, after that he’ll eat of his own accord. Butler can taste tranquilizer, so he’ll be more likely to try it. And Myles will likely eat it regardless.
Yoshi: Sounds like we have a plan. Let’s put it in action.
Everyone: *troops out*
Myles: *walks up* What is everyone doing? And why are you looking at me like that?
Yoshi: *shoves Krabby Patty in Myles’s hand* Eat this and don’t ask why.
Myles: Oooookay…. *eats Krabby Patty*
Everyone else: *waits expectantly*
Myles: Whoa, I feel weird. It’s as if my outlook on life is completely turned around. *draws psychopathic banana on Artemis’s door*
Kagome: Can you make sure Butler eats this? *hands Myles another Krabby Patty*
Myles: Certainly. *pulls shrike throwing knives from pocket and stalks down hallway*
Ally Kat: Where the HECK did he get those throwing knives?
Flare: Comes with the territory. He’s a wonkie now, remember.
Kagome: *grins evilly* Let’s go get Artemis.
LATER, IN ARTEMIS’S ROOM…
Sora Cullen Butler: Hands up!
Artemis: Not you guys again. What is it this time?
Yoshi: Eat this. *stuffs Krabby Patty in Artemis’s mouth*
Artemis: MMMMMMFF!!! *swallows Krabby Patty whole* What was that about?
Ally Kat: Here’s the test. *hands Artemis shurikens*
Artemis: Great! *throws shurikens in perfect timing at a target on the wall and gets a bullseye every time*
Yoshi: He’s wonkie all right.
Ally Kat: What… have we wrought? …page…
Artemis: *grins evilly* I tried to be fair in my revenge. You just HAD to retaliate. I will deliberate for a time, and meanwhile I would suggest living in fear of me. *stalks off*
Fanfiction peeps: *raise eyebrows*
Yoshi: Well, THAT was something. Let’s go find Myles and Butler.
Everyone: Cool. *walk off*
Myles: *comes barreling down the hallway* Butler turned psycho!!!
Flare: That’s what’s supposed to have happened.
Myles: He’s teaming up with Artemis to plan revenge on you!!!
Kagome: All the more fun for us when they fail.
Myles: AND HE GAVE ME A WEDGIE!!! *rubs backside*
Yoshi: Hmm. We shall have to find a way to thwart that.
Butler: *ambushes Yoshi* Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!! *tries to give her wedgie*
Yoshi: There’s this new thing, you may not have heard of it. It’s called WEARING A ONE-PIECE SWIM SUIT UNDER YOUR CLOTHES!!! *pulls up shirt to reveal a blue swim suit*
Butler: Argh! That is unwedgieable!!!
Yoshi: So there. Was that the extent of your plan?
Butler: Nooo…. I was planning to evilly cackle and run off once I was done with your wedgie, but it didn’t work, so…
Yoshi: You’re saying Artemis doesn’t have a plan yet? *is thinking this is good news*
Butler: Oh, he does. It’s just taking him a bit to set up.
Yoshi: D’Arvit! *runs off to notify the other wonkies*
LATER, IN YOSHI’S ROOM…
Yoshi: May this meeting come to disorder. *smacks table with gavel* We have a serious situation on our hands. We have approximately twenty-three hours until Artemis is sane again, and he already has an intricate plan. Anyone have any ideas?
Toushiro: Um, hows about we find OUT the plan and turn it against him?
Yoshi: How the heck are we going to find out his plans without his knowing it?
Sora: Maybe we can get Juliet to keep surveillance on him.
Artemis: *from the shadows* Maybe you can give up now and pray for mercy.
Ally Kat: Uh oh….. …page…
Fanfiction peeps: GET HIM!!! *all charge toward Artemis and tackle him*
Artemis: AAAAAAAA!!!! *disappears under a pile of deranged fangirls*
Yoshi: *sits on Artemis’s stomach* What was that about praying for mercy?
Artemis: *yells at the door* ANY TIME NOW!!!
Butler: *comes in and throws net over Fanfiction peeps and Artemis*
Flare: Ooookay, that may not have been the most brilliant thing we’ve ever done, on the whole.
Ally Kat: Ya think? *futilely pushes against net*
Artemis: Butler, you kind of need to work on your aim. *looks nervously at horde of fangirls*
Butler: Oh, right. *lifts up net in a very small section so Artemis can climb out, and blocks the fangirls*
Sora: Man, this is squished.
Toushiro: Where’s a latecomer when you need one?
Shadowsnake and Silversong: *tap at window from outside*
Myles: *peeks in the door, then runs over to the window and opens it*
Shadowsnake: Thanks, Myles. We were waiting out there for a while before we finally climbed the tree.
Silversong: What happened over there in the shadows that really shouldn’t be there, considering that this is a bedroom and not a cliché?
Yoshi: Urm, any time you want to realize it’s us would be perfect.
Shadowsnake and Silversong: 😯 *run over and haul off the net*
Vera: Took you long enough. *stands up*
Fanfiction peeps: *get up and walk out of the shadows*
Wishes: Now… WHERE’S THAT MUD BOY?!?!?
Myles: He went that way. *points down hallway*
Fanfiction peeps: *run down hallway while simultaneously pulling out all their weapons*
Shadowsnake and Silversong: Chaaaaaaaaaaaaarge!!!
Fanfiction peeps: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! *scream as the floor opens up under them and they fall into a deep abyss*
Fanfiction peeps: *fall into a giant bucket with a giant whomping noise*
Yoshi: Mental note. Never fall with weapons unsheathed. *winces at bruise left by flamethrower*
Ally Kat: That Mud Boy is so dead. *scoots to the side of the bucket*
Toushiro: Okay, maybe that Krabby Patty wasn’t the best idea.
Shadowsnake: Do I want to know what you guys have been up to?
Vera: It’s a long, weird tale. Maybe later when we’re not in a huge bucket that doesn’t belong in any sane person’s story.
Shadowsnake: Okey doke. *tries to climb the sides of the bucket and epically fails*
Flare: *tries to burn through the bucket and ends up singeing more than one pair of eyebrows*
Yoshi: Hm, I would use my super-awesome psychic Yoshi power to escape, but that would totally feel like evading the rules.
Silversong: Sometimes, you just gotta know when to evade the rules. *checks panpipes for damage*
Yoshi: Fine. *tries to use super-awesome psychic Yoshi power and faints*
Wishes: AAAAAAAHH!!! What the Fowl?!?!
Fanfiction peeps: ………
Artemis: *appears on a giant screen that the Fanfiction peeps had conveniently not noticed before* I have blocked all psychic power. You are all at my mercy.
Flare: *hurls fireball at Artemis’s image and hits him square on the nose*
Artemis: *sighs* Obviously I need to block fireballs too. *taps keys*
Flare: Oh crap. *look uncomfortable, tries to conjure fire, conjures a rice cake instead*
Artemis: I made it so that your powers are hooked to the Infinite Improbability Drive. If you try to use your powers, something freakishly unlikely happens. *tries to move so that the burn mark is not on his nose and ends up with a black singey mustache*
Yoshi: *groans and sits up* Let’s test that. *tries to use powers again*
Bucket: *turns into a giant chipmunk made of chocolate that the Fanfiction peeps are sitting on*
Fanfiction peeps: Woohoo! *start scooping up chocolate while readying weapons*
Artemis: Crap. Stupid improbability. *fiddles with some more keys* Ha!
Huge, intimidating door: *slams shut*
Artemis: I just cut off your escape!
Flare: *eats rice cake* All righty then… *attempts another fireball*
Huge, intimidating door: *turns into a Chihuahua, does a passable imitation of a Taco Bell commercial, and runs out huge, intimidating gap left by door*
Vera: I could get to like the Infinite Improbability Drive. 😈
Artemis: Argh! *taps more keys*
Yoshi: Whatcha doin, Arty?
Artemis: I’m activating my own IID.
Fanfiction peeps and Artemis: *teleport to Fowl Manor roof*
Silversong: What the… *searches for panpipes and can’t find them anywhere*
Ally Kat: My katana is gone!
Yoshi: My flamethrower didn’t come with me! 😯
Fanfiction peeps: *are all missing their weapons* D’Arvit….
Artemis: Uh oh. *is missing his cell phone and his tie*
Yoshi: Jeez Artemis, you’re not dangerous at all.
Artemis: Shut up. Somebody needs to get us off the roof.
Flare: *tries to conjure fireball*
The Sun: *turns into a giant, glowing orange*
Wishes: Well, crap. That certainly epic-failed.
Myles: *from ground* Hey! What just happened?
Kagome: Yoshi! Psychic power!
Yoshi: Fine. *uses super-awesome psychic Yoshi power*
Fanfiction peeps and Artemis: *teleport to The Room Of The Authority Supreme On Randomness*
Sora: Well, what are we doing here?
Important-looking dude dressed as a duck: You have been summoned here today for overuse of an Infinite Improbability Drive. We’re in the process of trying to come up with what we should do to you.
Yoshi: Is it gonna be random?
I-l d d a a d: Improbably. *presses a button with a skull on it*
Fanfiction peeps (still including Artemis): Craaaaaaaap! *teleport to…
Toushiro: My weapons are back! *pats pockets appreciatively*
Flare: *successfully conjures a fireball*
Yoshi: *waves flamethrower in the air*
Artemis: In light of what has happened, I’m willing to call a truce until tomorrow.
Yoshi: Fine. Until tomorrow, then.
THE NEXT DAY, IN YOSHI’S ROOM…
Yoshi: *speaking to gathered wonkies* The truce is officially up, and we still have scores to settle. Any ideas?
Shadow: Plenty. Is Arty-chan still asleep?
Kagome: I checked, he’s out like a light. Speaking of lights, his was on at two in the morning, so I think he’s gonna sleep for a while.
TWO MINUTES LATER, IN ARTEMIS’S ROOM…
Flare: *is holding shaving cream and a feather*
Wishes: *is holding permanent marker*
Ally Kat: *is holding multiple alarm clocks*
Shadow: Here we are. 😈 Marker first. *grabs marker and draws a mustache, a pair of bushy eyebrows, a mole, a goatee, and Harry Potter glasses on Artemis’s face*
Flare: *puts shaving cream on Artemis’s other palm, puts it face-up on the bed, and gets ready to tickle Artemis’s nose with the feather*
Ally Kat: *is hiding the alarm clocks in multiple spots in Artemis’s room and setting the alarms five minutes apart*