Major Deathly Hallows spoilers!

This is a bit more Harry Potter than Artemis Fowl, but I decided to post it anyway.

This takes place not long after the trio steals the locket horcrux from Umbridge.

In an isolated location somewhere in Europe, there was a forest completely empty of any living creature. The trees were dead, burned away by a fire recent enough that nothing had started to grow back. On the night of this story, however, for the first night in years, living things inhabited the forest. They had appeared suddenly, and vanished suddenly. But they hadn’t left. These living creatures happened to be three wizards, and they’d surrounded themselves with every protection spell they could think of.

But on this night, they wouldn’t be enough.

Harry, Ron and Hermione sat in their tent, hidden in the unnamed forest, once again discussing how they could possibly get rid of the horcrux in the locket.

“I’ve read the chapter again and again,” said Hermione, flipping through Secrets of the Darkest Art. “We need to destroy it beyond magical repair. And we haven’t any way to do it.”

Harry thought. The only thing he’d ever seen destroyed beyond repair was Riddle’s diary. Everything else could be fixed. “I think we need to work out how to open it first,” he said for the third time that night.

“And we’re not even close to doing that,” added Ron in frustration. “Look, let’s just get some sleep. This isn’t helping.”

Hermione was just about to disagree when the tent flap was thrown open and a boy only a few years younger than they were stepped in, panting. He looked as if he had been running; he also looked as if he did not tend to run. He was pale, thin, and had black hair, that, unlike Harry’s, lay perfectly neatly. His blue eyes swept over the room.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione jumped up in shock. They had their wands out in another second.

“Wizards,” said the boy, staring down at the wands without fear. “So I was right.”

Harry, Ron and Hermione just stared.

“My name is Artemis Fowl,” the intruder said. He glanced for a second at Harry’s forehead, noting the scar, and did not ask who they were.

“How did you get in here?” asked Hermione flatly, stepping forward.

“I am what you would commonly refer to as a Muggle,” explained Artemis, “but I have managed to find out about wizards- you do not hide yourselves as cleverly as you may think. I know about the current situation, I know that many wizards are in hiding. So I have been monitoring several isolated areas for signs of magic…” he smiled. “And here you are.”

Hermione looked convinced, but Ron snorted slightly and said, “Liar. We have Muggle repelling charms around the whole place.”

“Yes, I know. But I had enough presence of mind to continue onwards, even though I kept thinking I’d forgotten things. You see, I knew the charm was there, so I knew that the only reason I was thinking those things was because of it,” he said in satisfaction. “And though I couldn’t see you, I knew you must be here, at the center of all the spells.”

“Clever,” said Hermione, impressed. She kept her wand steady. “Why?”

“To have proof. To find out more about the wizarding world. Because I was bored.” Artemis shrugged. “Of course, I never dreamed I’d find Harry Potter and his friends. That’s a bit of a bonus.”

Hermione muttered something under her breath. A blue light stretched from her wand, vanishing as it touched Artemis. He shuddered. Then she pocketed her wand. “He really is a Muggle,” she said in awe. Harry and Ron followed her lead, stowing their wands away but looking wary.

They stood and stared as Artemis walked around the tent, examining everything he passed. He picked up Harry’s pocket Sneakoscope and weighed it in his hand. He found the invisibility cloak and tried to analyze the material, marveling at how it worked. He bent to pick up Secrets of the Darkest Art from where Hermione had left it, but Ron stopped him.

“Don’t touch that!” he said snappishly. No need to give the Muggle any ideas. Ron sat down on a chair, glaring at Artemis.

“All right,” said Artemis agreeably, and he stood back up, now examining Ron. “Why are you wearing a locket with a snake on it?” he asked curiously.

“I-” Ron looked a little embarrassed to be caught wearing a necklace, but knew he couldn’t explain. “That’s my business. And anyway, it’s an S, not a snake.”

Harry squinted at the necklace, tilting his head. It did look a lot like a snake. “Maybe it’s supposed to look like a snake, too,” he said.

Ron jumped a little, almost falling off his chair, and Artemis looked up at Harry in puzzlement. Hermione looked a little scared.

“What the bloody hell was that?” asked Ron, massaging his throat.

“Well, it does,” said Harry defensively. “What?”

“You spoke in Parseltongue, Harry,” said Hermione quietly. She thought of Artemis and added, “Snake language.”

“Oh,” said Harry. He knew Hermione was worrying again about how much influence Voldemort had over his brain. He tried to think of something to say in his defense, but couldn’t. “Sorry.”

“That was weird though,” said Ron, not listening to Harry and Hermione. “Hey, I think it opened a bit!”

“It WHAT!?” exclaimed Harry, and he and Hermione rushed over to kneel by Ron’s side.

“When you spoke in Parseltongue, I think it opened a bit.” He pulled the locket off and examined it. “It must have closed again.”

“Are you sure?” asked Hermione, taking it from him and looking at it herself. It looked precisely the same as always.

“No, Hermione, he must be right, it makes sense!” said Harry in excitement. “It’s like in the Chamber of Secrets! He was so proud of being the heir of Slytherin; he loved being able to talk to snakes! And he never knew another Parselmouth, he probably thought that it would make it so that only he can open it!”

Hermione did not get nearly as excited as Harry had. “I think you’re right,” she said, looking nervous. “So… do we open it now?”

Harry glanced at Artemis. “No,” he said. “And anyway… we don’t have any basilisk venom, do we?”

“Yeah, you’re right,” said Ron in disappointment. “We can’t do it yet.”

Hermione nodded. “But what exactly happened, when it opened?” she asked Ron. “Did you see… You-Know-Who?”

“Some sort of weird mist floated out,” said Ron, taking the locket back from Hermione. He put the chain around his neck and shuddered.

“Mist?” said Hermione, frowning. “What happened to it?” She looked around the tent.

“It… it spread out and vanished. Like smoke,” said Ron. His ears turned bright red, and he continued to rub at his neck.

Harry and Hermione exchanged glances, but said nothing.

“Well, it was a pleasure to meet you,” said Artemis, who had been listening quietly to the whole exchange. “But I have other things to do.” He turned and started to leave.

“Wait!” said Harry, jumping to his feet. He had his wand out. Hermione and Ron stood on either side of him, and all three had their wands pointing straight at Artemis.

“We can’t just let you go, knowing where we are and what we’re doing,” said Hermione. “Sorry.”

“I absolutely understand,” said Artemis, turning to face them. He smiled suddenly. “I was about to say the same to you.” He took one step backward. “I presume that you are about to mind-wipe me somehow. But I think I can be faster.”

Hermione made a slow motion with her wand, concentrating. “Oblivi-”

“Artemis the Hunter,” said Artemis quickly and simultaneously. He shut his eyes tightly.

There was a small pop, a sudden blinding light, and the three young wizards were unconscious.

You see, Artemis discovering the Wizarding World was quite as bad as Artemis discovering the fairy world. He had plans, big plans. Illegal plans. And they counted on the Wizards being taken by surprise.

Artemis stepped forward, examining the stunned teenagers before him. He had borrowed a stun grenade from Butler, something that worked in a similar fashion to the one Holly had used back in the Circus Maximus. The words “Artemis the Hunter” had set it off.

Artemis had a mind-wipe kit in his pocket. He decided that a blanket wipe should do it. He knelt down and attached the proper wires to their temples. They’d remember nothing in the morning.

Which was a pity, because it looked like they had found out something important….

***

The next night, Harry, Ron, and Hermione sat in the tent in near silence, eating the meager rations Hermione had been able to prepare. Ron was grumpier by far then he had been the entire trip, and sat with a scowl, fingering the locket around his neck. Harry stared at it too. He had the strangest feeling that he had forgotten something, something important. It was giving him a slight headache, or maybe that was just his scar. Harry tore his gaze away from the locket and continued forcing food into his mouth.

That night, as he slept, Harry’s usual visions of Voldemort were blurry and out of focus, and they kept being interrupted by disturbing dreams of snakes curled on rocks.

Author’s Notes: Yeah, I know this is probably packed full of plot holes (I didn’t consult Deathly Hallows at all while writing this). I tried to keep them to a minimum, though. Anyway, the idea for this came when I was thinking about Muggle repelling charms. Surely some Muggle would be smart to get through them. And then I realized- Artemis definitely would. Also, when Harry “thought he had always known, deep down” how to open the horcrux, I thought of how Artemis kept remembering tiny things like that in the beginning of the Opal Deception.

And I’d like to thank Arya, whose story ‘Worlds Collide at Hogwarts’ made me start thinking about a crossover like this in the first place.

I just wrote this for fun, and didn’t spend much time on it, so don’t judge my writing/plot consistency skills on it, please. But constructive criticism is welcome, anyway!

Some other stories by MMK:

• The Rating System... Again.
• Comments vs. Reviews
• Artemis Fowl: The Last Criminal Plot