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Panic Song

Summary: New songfic, written entirely because Cookie wanted moar ficcehs. XD Swearing! Suicide! Be warned! I’m in a happy mood! Song […]

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New songfic, written entirely because Cookie wanted moar ficcehs. XD Swearing! Suicide! Be warned! I’m in a happy mood! Song belongs to Green Day (I edited it a tad).

It’s over. She left me.

Ready for a cheap escape
On the brink of self destruction

I trace my finger weakly across the tip of the blade. It’s my own damned fault. I never should have tricked her like that, taken advantage of her. I knew it wouldn’t last forever. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt like anything.

As I stare blankly out the window and into the bright, mocking day outside, I have to wonder. Is that what I’m upset about? I want to tell myself it is. I want to tell myself that it was always about her, always about making her happy through her trials. I want to think that I’m miserable because I deceived her in the first place.

But I’m not. I’m sorry I fixed her. I’m sorry I delved into that beautiful mind of hers and put whatever was loose back in its place. I do not regret ruining her, only repairing her. And it makes me sick. It makes me hate myself. And I have to know… if I go through with this, will the pain go away?

Broken glass inside my head
Bleeding down these thoughts of
Anguish… mass confusion

I think I might finally understand what she was feeling. This rejection, this loneliness… I feel so lost with her gone. No one should ever have to feel this, let alone someone as perfect as her. Maybe I can manage to convince myself that that was why I did it. To protect her from this, to give her some distraction. It hurts so much.

The world is a sick machine
Breeding a mass of shit
With such a desolate conclusion
Fill the void with… I don’t care

I turn the blade on its side and press the sharp edge against my skin, just hard enough to draw a few tiny drops of scarlet. It hurts like hell, but it’s nowhere near as bad as what my heart feels like. I dare to press down a little harder. I wince this time, but I let it bleed. I can’t opt out, not now. It’s too late for that. I’m going to escape this one way or another, and it’s better sooner than later.

There’s a plague inside of me
Eating at my disposition
Nothing’s left
Torn out of reality

I loved her. I really did. No matter what anyone will ever say, I genuinely cared about that girl. And now they’ll have all the proof they want.

A sudden anger filling me, I draw the knife slowly down my arm, digging in this time with all the pent up force that I’ve been holding in. I hate myself. I ruined everything. I could have had it all- I did have it all, and I just had to go and kill it… well, the illusion isn’t all that’s going to die today.

The world is a sick machine
Breeding a mass of shit
With such a desolate conclusion
Fill the void with… I don’t care

I’ve had it with this twisted game, this dance that keeps turning me the wrong way. I know I made a mistake, but I did it because I love her. I was the only one who ever did, and she doesn’t care a whit. I dig in again. Well, I don’t care, either. I don’t give a shit about her anymore. If she wants to turn her back on the one who gave her everything she could ever want, then let her. But I won’t be there to see it.

I wanna jump out!

Blood is beginning to stain steel. I can feel myself growing lightheaded, and I know that, once I pass out, I won’t wake up again.

I wanna jump out!

I’m going now, I can feel it. Not dying, but falling asleep. My own heart will do the rest of the work in emptying me while I sleep. How fitting that it should be the thing to kill me.

I wanna jump out!

I’m gone. I barely feel myself hit the floor, my vision swimming in and out with my consciousness. It’s over. The pain will all be gone soon…

“I love you, Minerva…”

I wanna jump out!

Comments on This Post

8 responses to “Panic Song.” Join in!

  1. Brilliant, mi amiga! Full of sorrow and budding beauty. 🙂 I’d rate five stars if I was logged in. 😉 Which I am not.
    But seriously, this is nice. I’d ask for an update, but… I don’t really think that’s an option. XD
    Top-notch grammar and spelling, too. As always. 😀

    ~CC

  2. YAY *grins*
    That was great Battery, just my kind of thing. It was filled with lot’s of emotion and was written very well. Your spelling and grammar are both up to par, as expected. I love it.
    It WILL be five stars as soon as I log in.

  3. ..I love you so much right now. This was BRILLIANT. And, just wondering, what song is this?

  4. ^_^ Thankye guys. Glad you liek it.

    @CC: Actually, maaybee… If I find the right song. I could always do Minerva’s POV.

    @TWS: Gah, your good comments always make me happeh 🙂 It’s “Panic Song” by Green Day. I didn’t name the fic very creatively. XD It’s off Insomniac.

  5. Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant, AA. It was depressing but mixed in with a spoonful of awesomeness. How is it that you always seem to write so well? 🙂 So cool… 5 stars.

    -Star

  6. Beckett Simpleton June 27th, 2010 at 3:49 pm 6

    AWSOMENESS! (some of you may have noticed that that and ‘Bazinga’-from the Big Bang Theory-qare my new words) You should have seen my face when i saw the word MINERVA! but it still rocks. I give it five big shiny stars.
    .
    .
    .
    .
    Bazinga!

  7. Ahah 🙂 Thanks, guys.

    And just to make sure everyone knows, the ship is Mynerva. It’s a follow-up to … all the other Mynerva stuff I wrote XD

  8. I am ashamed to say that I did not know that it was Mynerva. DX Ooops. I’m not open-minded. XD I am sorry. I always think Arty Boy. 😳 I just love reading this….. 😀

    ~CC

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