This is a Harry Potter and Artemis Fowl Crossover. Overused idea, true, but that doesn’t make it any less fun to read or write. 🙂
Also, no pairings at all for this fic. Maybe a few slight hints here and there, but nothing set, explicit, or graphic.
Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl or Harry Potter or the Eiffel Tower, or the Statute of Liberty…etc. The list of what I don’t own goes on forever.
Chapter 1: Kidnapped in Broad Daylight
Artemis Fowl frowned at his reflection in the filthy bathroom mirror.
He was well aware that certain precautions had to be taken so that no potential assassins or similar criminally-minded individuals recognize him, but still, this was too much. He should have never agreed to this, especially when he learned it meant allowing Juliet to come near him with a bag of cosmetics. The wrestling-obsessed young woman had truly outdone herself and that was not necessary in a good way.
The teenager who stared back at him in the cracked mirror provided by the by the cheap hotel they were currently residing in, had very little in common with the habitually neat, well-dressed, intellectual that he truly was. Instead of the one blue eye and one hazel eye he had become accustomed to seeing, Juliet had forced him to don contacts. And she had chosen contacts that made his eyes a stunning emerald green color, no doubt just because she could. He could have had brown eyes, black even, but no, Juliet had purposely chosen a color that he would never willingly wear.
But the color of his eyes paled in comparison to the state of his hair. Instead of being smartly combed back like usual, Juliet had more or less dumped an entire jar of hair gel on his hair and spiked it in a dozen different directions, aside for one part which she combed down to cover his forehead. He now looked as though he had never even heard of a comb. Apparently, this was the Style.
But, overall, it was the clothes that were compelling him to kill Juliet. When Juliet had presented him with the outfit, Artemis had stubbornly stated that he would never be caught dead in such an outfit. And that was exactly why she had chosen it. She reasoned no one would ever recognize the genius in such clothes. Artemis reasoned she had only chosen them to annoy him, and it was working.
Instead of his usual tidy suit, Artemis was now dressed in faded, ripped jeans and a baggy, oversized black sweater with a black t-shirt on underneath. On his feet was a pair of scuffed, filthy trainers. And he had thought his punk outfit as “Archie” had been bad.
Artemis scowled. He looked like a street urchin.
But he had to admit, no one would be able to recognize him now.
Butler was worried. That was the first thing Artemis noted as they left the cheap hotel. The Etruscan bodyguard rarely worried, but lately had good reason to. Ever since Artemis had returned from his latest saving the world adventure, things had changed incredibly, both for the better and for the worse.
Artemis was now the brother of two extremely bright and mischievous twins, Myles and Beckett. They adored him. He managed to tolerate them. In truth, Artemis had grown rather fond of the twins, but he was not accustomed to being in the presence of children. It was tough to admit, but he really had no idea how to deal with individuals of their age, so he acted on instinct. And instinct told him to keep up his cool, intelligent façade, even if all he wanted was to hug the two and take part in their little games. His cold exterior never seemed to bother the twins however, and Artemis often found himself included in one of their little games, much to the delight of his parents.
Angeline and Artemis the First had been beside themselves with joy at Artemis’s return, but he had been unable to accurately tell the truth behind his disappearance. So after a long inner debate involving morality, his newly acquired powers, and potential loss of freedom, he settled on ‘suggesting’ that he had been kidnapped. Unfortunately, he had failed to accurately foresee just how seriously parents took the well being of their child.
At once, Butler and Juliet had been rehired and Artemis was placed under their vigilant care. The fairy story Butler had revealed to them in desperation was forgotten, a fact that Artemis might have had a hand in, and the Fowls focused on making their home as impenetrable as possible. The security system at Fowl Manor had been updated, cameras were installed everywhere, and many rules were set down. Normally, Artemis would have simply found ways to deflect the newfound overprotection of his parents, but an event occurred that forced him to change his mind.
Actually, it was several, twenty-two to be exact, events which all had the same goal.
Kidnap Artemis Fowl II.
Luckily, Butler and pure dumb luck had saved him, but now extra precautions were a must whenever he traveled, or his parents would refuse to let him out the front door. For instance, his current costume which was all for the sake of the family trip to Britain. Artemis, Butler, and Juliet had just arrived in order to meet up Artemis’s parents and the twins who had left a week earlier for their nice family vacation. So far, everything was running smoothly.
If one overlooked the small fact that Juliet had lost the location of the restaurant they were meeting Artemis’s parents at.
As they walked down a busy street, Artemis wondered why they had let Juliet carry the slip of paper with the address of the restaurant written on it. It would have been much easier to keep track of the location himself.
It would have been even better if he had brought his laptop, GPS, or, at the very least, a cell phone. But his mother had made it quite clear that no work and no electronics would be permitted on this vacation. The Fowl family would relax and spend quality time together for the next two weeks, she had insisted; Artemis could go back to being a distant teenager once the vacation was over. After taking into account all the worry he had caused her, Artemis found himself unable to disobey, something he was truly regretting at the moment.
Butler scanned the block for the tenth time, unduly tense.
“Calm down, old friend,” Artemis said in a carefully casual voice. He hadn’t missed the bodyguard’s frequent scanning of the area. “On this street only every second building is a restaurant and the restaurant we’re searching for is within a thirty black radius, so that leaves us with only sixty different possibilities…”
His voice trailed off as he realized that he was not making the situation any better. He really needed to work on his comforting skills.
“Nice, Artemis,” Juliet snickered, looking as the latest fashions in a nearby shop window. “I’m sure Dom feels so much better now.”
Artemis sent her a glare that clearly told her that her input was not needed or appreciated.
Taking the hint, Juliet abandoned the fashions and turned towards her brother. “Lighten up, Dom. We’ll find them. After all, we’ve got a genius to help us.”
Butler frowned at his sister. Here was yet another reason why Juliet would never make a good bodyguard. She rarely took anything seriously. The only reason she had agreed to be Artemis’s bodyguard was because she was truly worried about the boy genius. “The longer Artemis stays out in the open like this, the better target he is for potential assassins and kidnappers.”
Juliet slapped Butler lightly on his back. “Don’t worry. Artemis, don’t you dare get yourself kidnapped or I’ll kill you myself, understand?”
Artemis rolled his eyes, but his lips twitched slightly. “Wonderful choices you’ve given me Juliet, stay with my kidnappers or get killed by you.”
He turned towards Butler who was once again scanning the street.
“Butler, everything will be fine. I can take care of myself now a little. Some of what you and Juliet have been attempting to teach me must have sunk in.”
Butler smiled slightly, feeling immensely fond of the two younger individual’s attempts to cheer him up. It was kind of them, but he would only cease worrying when Artemis was safe with his parents. Though the young boy hid it carefully, Butler could tell he could not wait to be reunited with his family for a relaxing vacation. For the first time in years, the entire Fowl family would be spending quality time with each other.
Artemis turned his attention to the shops lining the streets once he saw the smile. None of the names of any of the restaurants appeared to be familiar. Then he spotted a small shop on the far left on the other side of the street called Fabled Haven. Something stirred in his memory. The name appeared to be familiar; was it the restaurant they were searching for?
“I’m going to check that shop.” He said, heading towards it.
He was across the street, weaving deftly through the crowd, before Butler and Juliet could stop him. The two attempted to go after him but a sudden rush of traffic halted them in their tracks. Oblivious to the fact that Butler and Juliet had not followed, Artemis studied the shop. It was quite old and badly in need of a new coat of paint, preferably in a different color. There was a sign in the window proclaiming the day’s special: Monkey Brain Soup.
This cannot be the meeting place, Artemis thought, turning away from the building.
The cardboard boxes next to the door exploded without warning. Startled, Artemis fell backwards, staring numbly at the burning debris.
A bomb? he thought, dazed. No, a bomb would have caused more damage, blown off a limb or two at this distance.
Then he was aware of Butler’s and Juliet’s shouts and two men in long black coats, carrying sticks, running towards him.
“Artemis, run!” Juliet shouted desperately as Butler attempted to find a way through the heavy traffic.
Without a second thought, Artemis got up and ran, away from the advancing men and away from Butler and Juliet. Pushing gaping people aside, he ran, faster than he had ever run before, mentally making a note to thank Juliet later for choosing surprisingly sensible shoes. The streetlamp exploded as he passed, causing several nearby people to scream.
An increasing number of people had realized that something was wrong, but instead of helping him, they were hindering him by standing dumbly in his way.
“Move!” he snapped, shoving two individuals out of the way with his elbows as he desperately tried not to trip.
Ignoring their curses and protests, he glanced back hoping against hope that he was just being paranoid and no one was chasing him.
No such luck.
The men were still after him, murderous expressions on their faces, their sticks held out in front of them. There was a flash of light and a nearby window shattered, showering him with thousands of tiny pieces of glass. How in the world were they doing that?
Ignoring the sting of the glass and gasping for breath, Artemis ran on, hoping the men would give up the chase before he ran out of energy. He turned right into an alley, hoping that he would be able to lose his pursuers in the darkness.
But the alley led to a dead end.
Trapped, he immediately began looking for a way out, a ladder, a stack of boxes, something to help him get over the huge brick wall blocking his way. But there was nothing other than pieces of trash. The sound of pounding footsteps alerted him to the arrival of his pursuers. Artemis whipped around just in time to see one of the men, the fairer one, point his stick at him and shout a strange word, possibly in Latin.
Artemis felt himself thrown backwards and slammed into the wall closing the alley off, hard. He slid to the ground, too dazed to protest when his shoulders were roughly grabbed by one of the men.
“We got Potter!” a gruff voice said gleefully, as Artemis was pulled to his feet.
Potter? Artemis thought, disoriented. Who’s Potter?
“Let’s get out of here before the bloody Order arrives.” A second voice said, impatiently. His grip on Artemis’s tightened painfully.
Order? What Order? What is going on? Artemis’s stomach seemed to sink into itself with dread.
“Don’t squirm, Potter,” the first voice snickered into his ear. “Or you’ll accidentally get splinched.”
The hand on his shoulder tightened further and suddenly Artemis felt a jerk around his navel. Panicking and unable to breathe, he struggled for the breath to scream but before he could, the feeling abruptly vanished.
Opening his eyes, he hadn’t even realized that he had shut them, Artemis saw that he was in some sort of room, not the dark alley.
Stomach drooping to what felt like the core of the earth, he gulped.
He had been kidnapped in broad daylight and had no idea how it had happened.
Disclaimer: I solemnly swear that I do not own Artemis Fowl or Harry Potter, but I have to admit that it’d very awesome if I did.
Chapter 2: Prisoner of an Evil Dark Lord
For the first time in Artemis’s young life, his extraordinary mind was failing him. No matter how much effort he applied on his brain, he could not think of a way to effectively deal with his situation. Because, no matter how much he was loath to admit it, Artemis was unable to even comprehend half of what had just occurred.
He could not understand how a man could point a stick at him and send him flying backwards into a wall. He could not understand why his kidnappers believed he was someone named ‘Potter’. And, above all, he could not understand how he had been kidnapped in broad daylight and not have any idea how it happened.
If there was one thing that Artemis absolutely detested, it was not understanding something.
Therefore, it is quite understandable that he was in too much shock to protest when one of his kidnappers dragged him through a door with a snake engraved on it. Nor did he protest when the other kidnapper uttered a word that Artemis, once again, did not understand, and several statues of cobras moved aside, revealing a secret passage.
Actually, he regained some of his senses when the statutes slithered out of the way, enough to think, that wasn’t right, statues do not move. Moving out of the way was possible. Rising off the wall and slithering away was not. At least, not in his world. But Artemis was starting to suspect that this was not his world, or any that he was aware of.
“Hurry up, Potter,” the fairer kidnapper snarled, giving Artemis a painful push between his shoulder blades. “We wouldn’t want to be late for the meeting.”
“Yeah,” the other kidnapper snickered unpleasantly. “After all, you’re the guest of honor.”
Even in his dazed state, Artemis did not like the sound of that. Whoever this Potter was, it was obvious these men were not his biggest fans. It was just as he reached that conclusion that the kidnappers halted in front of another door, this one entirely plain aside for a sliver snake with green eyes painted right in the center.
Artemis took advantage of the pause to mentally gather his scattered wits. The second an opportunity to escape appeared, he had to be prepared to take it. And as long as they thought he was this Potter, he really should not do anything that might antagonize them any more than necessary.
The fairer kidnapper spoke. “Toujour Pur.”
This time Artemis understood what was said, which frankly, was a relief.
It appeared to be a password of some sort for the doors opened with a oddly sinister creak. The kidnapper who was gripping his shoulder in a rather painful manner shoved him forward as though to check that it was safe to go in.
It seemed that they had reached their destination. Artemis was debating over whether this was good or bad. Ignoring the kidnappers, he examined his surroundings. If there was one thing that Butler had stressed over and over, it was that “ten seconds of observation could save your life.” And they had in past.
The room they were in reminded Artemis vividly of a scene from an old horror movie that the twins adored and once forced him to watch. From the cold, damp moss growing on the cracked grey stone walls to the lack of any electronics, Artemis felt as though he had just been dumped in one of the dungeons around during the dark ages. All that was missing was a knight in shining armor and a dragon, locked in a perilous battle to save a fair maiden who did not have enough sense to run while her captor was distracted.
Artemis jumped at the sudden sound and raised an eyebrow as a human shaped figure appeared from a door that he could have sworn was not there before. Dramatic much? More figures followed, all dressed in long, black, loose clothes that looked suspiciously like dresses and masks that even Artemis had to admit were definitely winners of the “Most Creepy” category in any contest.
All too soon, the room was filled, but still, Artemis nor his kidnappers moved. There was an undeniable feeling of tension in the air. It was like waiting for a comet outside your window to strike you dead. Forcing himself to remain calm, Artemis decided to make no move yet, and just observe these people. It was better for him to play the meek hostage and get them to lower their guard before he made his move. Whatever it was.
It was then that he became aware of something slippery and rough touching his ankles. Looking down, he nearly jumped of out his skin again. It was a snake. A much too huge, cold-blooded snake, which was currently wrapping itself around his ankles. Despite the fact that he had been accused of being cold blooded on many an occasion, Artemis despised reptiles.
“Well, Nagini, have you greeted our guest?” hissed a soft, cold, cruel voice.
Looking up, Artemis saw what was probably the oddest thing he had seen all day. And that was certainly saying something considering the events that had occurred since he had left that cheap hotel.
A tall man, or something close enough, dressed in the same black dress like clothing as the others sat at a throne in the center of the room, his face obscured by the hood of his clothing. Though Artemis could not see his face, he felt his skin crawl unpleasantly. Hate was practically radiating off the figure. If it didn’t sound so corny, he would have said that the man was pure evil.
The snake, Nagini, began coiling itself around his neck, hissing. Artemis barely managed to suppress a shudder as felt the snake’s tongue taste the air just a few centimeters from his check, though he could not help but squeeze his eyes shut.
The snake was heavy; it took all of Artemis’s strength just to stay standing. Then, suddenly, the weight was gone. Surprised, Artemis opened his eyes to see the snake floating towards the figure on the throne. It hadn’t sprouted wings or a propeller, but it was still floating. The part of Artemis’s brain that was not numb with shock began wondering about his sanity.
“Now, Nagini, that’s enough,” the man hissed in the same cold voice as before. He stroked the snake’s head in the same manner as one pets a dog. “We don’t want to harm Mr. Potter. Yet.”
He turned back to Artemis, who kept his face as emotionless as possible, given the circumstances.
“You’re awfully quiet, Harry,” he needlessly stressed out the name “No wonderfully heroic speeches to spout? Where’s the courage you Gryffindors are renowned for?”
Artemis didn’t say a word. He had just reached the conclusion that either these people were insane, or he was. As he was relatively certain that his mind had not snapped, he had enough degrees to know when it had. Which left the theory, that these people were the insane ones. It was not a comforting thought, but it was more comforting than the idea that these people could use magic.
The man sighed, as though disappointed. “And I was so looking forward to your pathetic comebacks.”
The people surrounding them laughed when the man did, the high shrill echoing in the room. It was pathetic really, but still rather creepy. The laughter stopped abruptly, and the copycat Ku Klux Klan followed suit. Artemis took a small step backwards and bumped into the kidnapper standing behind him.
Suddenly the whole atmosphere in the room darkened. Though still unable to see the man’s face, Artemis could fell his sudden sharp glare.
“Malfoy,” the robbed figure hissed, anger replacing the amusement. “What is this?”
The fairer man who had kidnapped Artemis audibly gulped and took a step forward, stepping around Artemis.
“Forgive me, my Lord,” he muttered, bowing his head respectfully. “but I do not understand.”
The very air around the hooded man seemed to crackle with fury. “Where is Potter?” he snapped.
“B-but, my lord, he’s standing right here—”
The shout rang through the room. No one moved a muscle, not even Artemis.
“Check his forehead.”
The two kidnappers nearly fell over themselves in their haste to follow the order.
Artemis, needless to say, was now quite unsettled by what was happening and tried to back away. The other kidnapper grabbed Artemis’s shoulders, effectively holding him in place, while Malfoy quickly ruined Artemis’s ridiculous hairstyle. For some reason, the sight of Artemis’s pale, unblemished forehead led the kidnappers to pale themselves. They hastily withdrew their hands from him and turned fearfully towards their Lord.
“So…” the man said, tapping one thin, grayish finger on the armrest of his throne.
“My lord, please, forgive us.” The man who had been singled out before stammered. He seemed even more terrified than his companion. “He looks just like Potter! The same eyes, the same hair, even his clothes are the same muggle rags Potter often wears! We thought—”
“I do not want your excuses, Malfoy,” the figure on the throne interrupted. “I want Potter. But you can’t seem to understand that, can you?”
The hooded man pulled out a stick, like the one Artemis’s kidnappers had, seemingly out of nowhere. “I wonder how your family will feel about this latest failure?” he sneered. “Especially your son, who thinks himself too good to join us?”
Malfoy fell to his knees, startling Artemis into taking a few steps backwards. “My lord, I beg you, please…do not harm them…”
It was a horribly pathetic sight.
Their lord laughed, a merciless sound that sent a shill racing down Artemis’s back. “Spare them, Malfoy? Punish you instead?” he mocked. “No, it will leave more of an impact, I think, if I kill off a few relations.”
“That is a bit harsh.” Artemis said suddenly, drawing all attention to himself. It was not a smart move he knew, but the sight of the man begging for his son‘s life was…unsettling. He could not simply stand by quietly now. “He made a mistake, why must his family be the ones to pay the price?”
The impact of his words was astounding.
The crowd of people seemed to tense simultaneously and began to shout vulgarities at him. The kidnappers paled even fruther and moved away from him as though he had suddenly contracted an infectious, deadly disease. Only the figure on the throne revealed no emotion.
“I do not recall giving you permission to speak in my presence, muggle,” he said in his high, soft voice.
Artemis blinked in surprise. He had been called many things before in his short life, but never ‘muggle’. He was not entirely sure what it meant, but it was obviously not a compliment.
Perhaps discarding my disguise as a meek hostage was not exactly the best plan. Artemis thought, surveying the scene before him.
But what was done was done. He couldn’t change what he had said, just like how he couldn’t change the fact that he had been kidnapped by this queer lot.
Malfoy spoke hesitantly. “My lord, I—”
“Silence, you imbecile.” The man snapped, not even bothering to look at the cowering man. “The muggle and I are having a delightful conversation, though he seems to be lacking the necessary skills. You haven’t answered my question, muggle. Did I or did I not give you permission to speak?”
Artemis did not need to be a genius to realize that he was being toyed with. His annoyance of this led him to make what was possibly the biggest mistake he had made all day. Even bigger than getting out of bed that morning, leaving Butler’s and Juliet’s side, or running into that dark alley.
He attempted to answer the man.
The pain hit without warning.
It was nothing like Artemis had ever felt before. It was though his very blood was on fire, as though someone was attempting to cut his soul from his body with a very dull knife. And it went on and on and on. It took all of his willpower to not scream in agony. He clenched his hands so forcefully that his knuckles turned white. His eyes were squeezed shut so tightly that it did not seem possible that they would ever open again. He bit through his lower lip, causing blood to drip lightly onto his shirt.
But he did not scream, whimper, or give any indication that he was in pain. A causal bystander would merely have thought that the boy had a bad case of indigestion, judging by his face. Suddenly, it grew fainter and fainter. And then, the pain was gone. Artemis could have fallen to his knees in gratitude, but managed to stop himself. He unscrewed his eyes.
The room was dead silent. He was the center of attention, and for once, Artemis wished otherwise.
“Interesting,” the man on the throne said. “I’m told not even the Longbottoms lasted that long, and they screamed most beautifully.”
Artemis blinked his eyes, trying to get rid of the blue sparks that were clouding his vision.
Wait a minute…
He looked down at his hands. Blue sparks were racing from them and traveling all over his body. He could feel the aches left by the pain disappearing and his wounded lip healing.
Unconsciously, he had called upon his small reserve of stolen fairy magic to protect him from the pain. The result was that it had stopped the pain. For now at least.
“How did you do that, muggle?” the man demanded. “That was not magic.”
Artemis did not answer. It was not because of cowardice; he simply did not wish to feel the pain again. And besides, what could he say? He did not want to betray the fairies, now that they were friends, more or less.
The man lifted the hood off of his face, letting Artemis see it for the first time. “I have never met a muggle with a will as strong as yours before. Intriguing…”
Artemis did not care much about the compliment. He was just trying not to scream. The man was like a bogeyman out of the nightmares of a child. A very demented child. Artemis hoped he never, ever had the misfortune to meet that child.
Fortunately, Artemis’s mental struggle went unnoticed.
The blond kidnapper jumped at the sudden attention.
“Throw the muggle in one of the cells in the dudgeon.” The creature, for he was surely not a man, said, standing up. “I shall deal with him later, at a more leisure pace.”
The next thing Artemis knew, he was waking up in a dirty, damp cell.
They must have knocked me out, he realized, getting up and brushing as much dirt as he could off of his clothes. Most likely with their ‘magic’.
Artemis was quite sure now that these people possessed magic of a different sort than the fairies. Despite the fact that these people were holding him hostage, Artemis could help but feel a shimmer of excitement. Magic that could be wielded by humans. He had to find out more.
He glanced at the door.
It was obviously locked by their ‘magic’, so it could be ruled out as a possible escape route. Artemis sat down on the cleanest part of the floor, which, coincidentally, was also the area farthest from the door. He settled into his routine thinking procedure and began to mediate. Now that the shock was wearing off, he began plotting his escape. He had no idea where he was, so it was safe to assume that neither did Butler or Juliet. He had to rely solely upon himself to escape.
Artemis allowed a small smile to grace his features. These lunatics would rue the day they had crossed Artemis Fowl the Second.
But for now, he was the prisoner of an evil dark lord.