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The Perfectionist

Summary: There's a strange winged girl sleeeping under Arty's bed, and she looks surprisingly like... him.

Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5

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Artemis stared.

She’d just jumped out the window.

***

I jumped out the window.  And I spread my wings. Flying was so different here. It was almost… unnatural. But you know, I guess I wouldn’t fly if…

I almost dropped out of the sky, the pain was so intense. Everything would be different. I’d be helping Artemis with his plans, teasing him about Holly, and have my own problems. His family wouldn’t be so depressed, keeping their losses from him… if I had lived.

Tears blurred my vision, and I had to slow down.

Eventually I landed; the rock was somewhere around here. The rock was where I heard some cash was being stored, for emergencies only.

 ***

Artemis  left his room and wondered aimlessly around the house. Some thing wasn’t right. Yet he felt an odd sense of deja vu… something was definately not right.

“Artemis?” Artemis jumped, and turned around. It was Butler. Oh. Instead of stoping to talk to him, however, Artemis grumbled to himself and continued walking.

That was when Butler knew something was up.  Artemis was smarter than that. He never acted like this. Well, not never. There was that time when the Complex struck–

The Complex. Something clicked in Butler’s mind.

Poor Butler. He didn’t know that Artemis- although he would never admit it- was scared. Had he waited a day of two, Artemis would have gone back to normal, more or less, and Butler would’ve known the truth. But at the time, it seemed serious, and Butler did what he was trained to:  help Artemis. And he did this by calling up the one person he knew would help.

***

I soar over the Irish countryside, enjoying the veiw, my pockets stuffed with hundred-dollar bills. Suddenly I feel a sort of mental shock, and my heart beats a little faster.

The first event. No, it can’t be now. It’s not supossed to happen yet. Crud. Here we go. My wings beat faster, and I make a beeline for the manor, even though I know it’s too late.

***

Stupid phone. Why did she have it anyways?  Those had been replaced thousands of years ago. So why was in so importaint?

Oh, yeah. So that the Fowls could call. But not Artemis, he had that ring thing. So… this was an emergency?

Holly grudgingly picked up the phone. She thought breifly about a grace full ‘Hello?’ but instead growled “Mllph?? This better be inportaint.”

“Holly?”

Holly’s eyes widened. “Butler?”

“Nope! Gotya!” Oh. Beckett.

Holly hung up. This was not helping her mood.

***

Holly hung up.  Butler stared at the phone, shocked. Okay, then. If Holly wouldn’t help… no, Holly would help. She had to. But rather then plan like he wold most days, he hesitated.

“I’ll call her back later.”

Butler turned around and walked away fron the phone. Now why did I do that? He closed his eyes and sighed. When he opened them, a hundred dollar bill floated down to his feet.

 Hmm.

***

I barely opened the window before I come crashing into the kitchen. No, no. Not now.

I race to where Domovi is making the call. Time to work some magic.

“Butler?” Holly says.

“Nope!” I say. “Gotya!”

Whew. Close one.

As Domovi walks by, I throw some of my loot at his feet. Good boy.

Okay, so obviously what I’m doing isn’t working out so great. I close my eyes and breathe deeply. It helps Artemis, I noticed, like it helps me. Anyways. Is it something I’m doing? Things aren’t going according to plan… there has to be a reason. And actually, I think I know who to talk to. Maybe… hmm. Yep. I think I can do that.

Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5

Comments on This Post

25 responses to “The Perfectionist.” Join in!

  1. Confused. Interesting. Short. Poetic. Choppy. Interesting (again). Needs more. Not stereotypical (good thing). Detail.

    Ploping= plopping
    suggary= sugary
    definately= definitely

    OOC- why would Artemis let an unknown person sleep under his bed? Or does he know this person… and I’m clueless and can’t guess?

    Add spoiler alert for Complex.

    UPDATE. Why do I have so many sentence fragments herE?

  2. Beckett Simpleton February 3rd, 2011 at 11:26 pm 2

    very pretty but i wont lie to you and say i understoo it, 😛

  3. I love it. 🙂 I am being kept in suspense, which is good for you, bad for me.
    Is the Complex thing important? Is that kinda what the whole story’s about? (Rhetorical question!!!)
    Steped=stepped.
    UPDATE OR FEAR MY WRATH!!!!!

  4. A few spelling mistakes, but coherent and well-written.

    Yes, kind of confusing, but that’s not a negative thing at this point. It’s just suspenseful, like Hermione said, and verrry intriguing.

    You should update. As in, if you do not you may find my pet gecko Eenie doing the cancan next to your shopping cart one day. And that is NOT A COMFORTING SIGHT. 😀 Just kidding, I wouldn’t do that. I don’t even know where you shop. 😉 But update pleez!

    ~E.N.HA, mostly harmless.

  5. Oooh intriguing and mysterious. Who is this little urchin girl? Your very good at keeping this mystery concealed. By the way, will we ever know who she is? Also, by skipping from first to third person creates differing moods and atmospheres that are very effective 😀

    Right there were some mistakes and I will point out most so you can change them when you revise it or…whatever:

    1st chapter-‘Why am I, of all people, have to watch him like this?’ the grammar here is a bit iffy; I’m not entirely sure maybe you wanted to say ‘Why do I, of all people, have to watch him like this?’

    2nd chapter-AS is capitilized at the beginning of a paragraph but I’m not sure if this is intentional.
    You wrote ‘ploping’ instead of plopping, ‘parinoia’ instead of paranoia, ‘steped’ instead of stepped and ‘askes’ instead of asks.

    Also, Artemis’s should be Artemis’ because Artemis already ends in an s therefore the second s is not needed. Then it would be like many Artemis’ owning something…I think. Just grammar.

    Chapter 3-At the end you wrote ‘mental influences’ perhaps you meant ‘mentally influences’.

    Now onto the good stuff. The poetic sort of lines near the beginning of chapter 1 was really good and effective. Also it was clever because of the subtle change from ‘fear for him’ to ‘fear of him’.

    Also, I really like your similies/metaphors e.g. ‘the wind howled like a starved wolf outside.’ They are the things I really get impressed with; similies that are unique, clever, poetic, descriptive and sometimes beautiful/funny.

    Grape for an oopdeiyt 😉

  6. what the hell?! wat is this story?!

  7. seriously. who’s the girl?

  8. A thousand American dollars per night? XD Artemis is so cruel!

    Uh, artygirl, I can’t help noticing that your comments are a bit *urgle* spammy. Authors are very much happy-fied by substantial comments, like concrit. 😀

    Great update, Falcon! You had good timing with revealing something about the intruder but not too much so as to destroy the suspense. Consistent grammer/spelling/yada yada. I laughed when Artemis fell out of the bed. 😆 And for some reason I find the girl funny.

    This is mostly IC (having Artemis think it was a dream was a good touch) but I’m still not sure if Artemis would let someone random sleep under his bed for money. If Butler knew he’d probably pop an artery. 😀

    Pleez update!

    ~December Holly, trying to tame her other self

  9. ” And I fell flat on my face” I burst out laughing when I read this!

  10. I know spoilers!!! La la la! Great so far, my semi-scrawny, usually annoyed, some what perverted, feathered friend!!!!

  11. YOU MUST UPDATE AGAIN. There isn’t enough info for me to say anything! It’s good, it’s IC. Fffeeehhhhhh

    That was a short comment. DX

  12. Hmmmmm. Not sure how I feel about this. It’s good, but keep up the “suspense” too long & I’ll stop reading. Sorry if that sounded like a threat.

  13. oopdate
    OR FACE MY DREADFUL INSANITY!!!

  14. Honestly, Short’s insanity is more insane.

  15. Oh really? What if i made you stir Acid and poop and pee in a cup and pour tham into your cousin’s chocolate milk?

    And then i ate dead racoons? And Shrek launched missiles at the moon with his belly button!

    And Whales are Orange, and monkeys are blue, and eagles are hobos with armpit hair! Lick your toes, lick your toes, eat you hoes.

    Money equals power, power equals came, camel equals 5 celery sticks!!!

    Santa! *xylophone* Oh, a fairy! *xylophone* Everything– ehem. See how weird things can get when they go off topic? 😉 Please don’t go into conversation mode.

  16. Hermione Fowl April 27th, 2011 at 5:44 am 16

    Yay, an update!! So:
    deja vu-Should be in italics.
    a day of two-A day or two.
    “Under my bed?” He askes-“Under my bed?” he asks.
    Other then that, it was really good. Who’s the girl?? (don’t answer that!!) Is it Maximum Ride, or just some random dude?? I feel really bad for the short comment, because of Artyrox’s huge one.
    UPDATE OR FEAR MY WRATH!!!

  17. Update!………. More ……… Or face my army of flying monkeys!

  18. That was really good

  19. @Orion Fowl
    That’s ALL that you could come up with?! *laughs for 30 seconds straight* You’re not that original with your plots of random-osity and evil. I would list some things, but both Fal-chan and AA would probaly kill me for it…..

  20. FowlsGirl123 June 29th, 2011 at 1:46 am 20

    That’s so pretty!I love how poemy(is that a word?) it is. Ooh, and is the girl Max or someone from Maximum Ride? Cuz that makes sense. I definitely think you should continue this. I love it and want to read more. UPDATE!

  21. update.

  22. No, not a Max crossover XD

  23. the huntress (or tress) January 26th, 2012 at 4:56 am 23

    I rreeaallyy like your writing style. You sound conversational, like your explaining it to us right in front if us. ( I srive very ahrd for this, but alas, has failed so far…) You keep the supense up and slip in pieces of info at perfect amounts.Keep up the good work!!
    update or…. ehh… someone already took my flying monkeys,so…
    UPDATE, OR FACE THE WRATH OF MY EPICALLY AWESOME NINJA PANDAS WiTH MUSTACHES!!!! (then calmly insert a mubwuhahaha here) XD

  24. paranoidcentaurfoaly January 26th, 2012 at 6:51 am 24

    I would favourite this story, except I don’t know how to do that.

  25. At the top you push, add to favourites. Great job Falcon!

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