Chapter 1: Be careful what you wish for

A challenge.

Surely that wasn’t too much to ask for, was it? All Artemis Fowl II wanted was someone to match wits against, something that would require him to exercise and expand his mental capabilities, something that was not boring old calculus homework.

It wasn’t like he was asking for something huge, like the Statue of Liberty in New York, or  Big Ben in London.

Artemis Fowl II merely wanted a challenge. So, why hadn’t fate thrown one at him yet? He had even gone as far as contacting Holly and asking her if she had any new cases that he could assist her with.

But no such luck, everything had been quiet lately underground, and the only the call achieved was to grant some amusement to Holly, who found the idea of a bored genius laughable.

I’m not bored, Artemis told himself after hacking into the accounts of several billionaires with dubious connections, and transferring some of that money to Red Cross and other charities. I’ve simply just run out of things to do.

“Butler?” he said, abandoning his computer and turning his chair around.

“What is it?” Butler said, continuing to clean his collection of revolvers. It was amazing how many pistols one could collect over the years.

“Why is the world at peace?” Artemis asked, crossing his arms and leaning his head back to stare at the baby blue ceiling.

What a childish color. Does Mother truly still view me as an adolescent?

“Most people would believe that to me a good thing, Artemis.” Butler replied, amused by the question.

“I believe we established the fact that I am not like most people, a long time ago, old friend.” Artemis replied, narrowing his one hazel and one blue eye at the innocent ceiling.

Truly, that is an atrocious color.

“Yes,” Butler agreed, looking up from his cleaning. “You established that the day you first completed a Rubric Cube in under 60 seconds.”

“…I am not joking, Butler.”

Why did I ever let Mother talk me into choosing this color for my room? Granted, I was only six, but still…

“I never said you were,” Butler replied, setting down the last revolver, his pride and joy of the collection. 

“Good, just making that clear.” Artemis subjected the poor ceiling to his best vampire glare. That color was just getting on his nerves today.

Butler began to clear up the mess he had inevitably made while cleaning the collection, pleased that he had finished this quickly. Now he wouldn’t have to ask Juliet to clean them for him, and worry about the safely of everyone in the house.

Juliet meant well, but she tended to lose interest in things too quickly, and putting a gun in her hand, when there was no visible danger nearby, was not a good thing, as everyone in Fowl Manor had learned. Received

“Why did Mother paint my room blue?” Artemis suddenly said, breaking the silence. He continued his complaint before Butler could answer. “Blue is such a common color, over half of the world’s population is fond of that color at least one point in there life. It’s supposed to represent serenity and calm, but it’s just a color. If I want to be calm, then I’ll go read a book. How did I ever let Mother talk me into painting this room blue? I am not even fond of this color…”

His voice faded as he realized exactly what he was saying. Silence dominated the room while Butler put away the last cleaning rag and closed his bag.

“…Butler?” Artemis said finally, shifting his gaze from the traumatized ceiling and onto his best human friend.

“Yes?” Butler replied, taking care to keep his face turned away from the young genius.

“Did I really just waste five minutes of my life complaining about the color of my room?”

Butler’s lips twitched, as he fought the urge to keep from smiling. “Actually it was only three minutes, and yes, you did.”

No one said anything for a moment. During this time, Butler finally managed to regain control of his face and turned to face his young charge.

“I need a hobby.” Artemis said, in a serious tone of voice.

That statement was too much for poor Butler. A wide grin appeared on his face, and he just barely managed to keep from laughing out loud. Fortunately, Artemis did not notice as Juliet chose that moment to open the door so forcefully that is slammed into the wall, surely leaving a mark.

“Must you do that?” Artemis asked, turning his attention to Juliet. He didn’t expect Juliet to have any attention to his words, and sure enough she didn’t.

“You’ve got mail!” she more or less shouted, behaving as though she had not even heard his comment. And considering her current mood, that was highly possible.

“So I have mail.” Artemis replied, in a very unenthusiastic manner. “I get mail all of the time.”

Juliet grinned. Artemis resisted the urge to back away. Juliet’s was uncannily similar to how Holly’s was just before she embarrassed him.

“You, Artemis Fowl the Second, have received a….” She paused for dramatic effect. “Love letter!”

If Artemis hadn’t been sitting already, he would have had the desire to grab a seat after hearing this news. As Butler had been standing when he heard this proclamation, his immediate took a seat.

“A love letter?” Butler asked,  torn between laughing and showing sympathy towards Artemis’s predicament.

“I beg your pardon?” Artemis said, after regaining control of his voice.

“A love letter!” Juliet repeated, clearing pleased by the reaction she had received.

She handed him the object in question. It certainly looked liked a love letter, the envelope was a sickening shade of pink and decorated with hearts, some painted on, others colored with markers, in various shades of red. Artemis could see his name written on the front in a different shade of pink ink, written with a ball point pen, judging by the thinness and appearance.

“Well, are you going to open it?” Juliet asked, curious to see exactly what kind of girl had written Artemis Fowl a love letter.

Artemis stared at the letter, wondering whether he should be pleased about receiving a letter, or annoyed. He was certainly embarrassed about it though.

“If I refused to, would you letter the matter drop.” He asked Juliet, who didn’t even bother to answer.

He sighed, and neatly sliced the envelope open with his right thumb, and took out a light pink colored piece of paper. He could faintly smell roses as he opened it. He was slightly surprised to see that the letter was written in emerald green ink, instead of the pink that had been on the envelope. He was even more surprised by what the ink said.

Dear Artemis Fowl the Second,
 Apologizes for the misleading appearance of this letter, hope you weren’t really expecting a love letter. The sole purpose of the letter is not to proclaim out love for you, but rather, to offer you a friendly warning. In exactly a week, we will come for your fairy gold. Why? Because we’ve always wanted to see the famed gold. Apologizes for any inconvenience our desires may cause.
     Forever your fans,
      The Phantom Sorceresses

“What does it say?” Juliet asked impatiently.

Artemis looked up, his infamous smile appearing on his lips.

“A challenge.”  

A beep emitted form his computer, attracting his attention. As Butler and Juliet read the letter, he moved the mouse, ridding the screen of that screensaver, and discovering that he had received an email.

Not one for storing much belief in coincidences, he opened the email, and wasn’t disappointed.

Hi Arty!
 You must have gotten our snail mail letter by now, or else the only thing this email will achieve is to confuse you and traumatize some poor mailman or mailwoman. We forgot to mention that our snail mail letter will explode in 10 seconds. Actually in 5 seconds by the time you reach the end of this sentence.
     Your fans,
      The Phantom Sorceresses

“Butler, drop the letter!” Artemis shouted spinning around, but it was too late.

The letter exploded….in a poof of pink, sweet smelling smoke. As Butler and Juliet coughed to rid their lungs of the smoke, Artemis picked up a fragment of the letter, and sniffed it.

Roses…

There was no doubt in his mind that this would be certainly interesting.

Some other stories by Moonlite Knight:

• Update
• If I Told You I Loved You...
• ¤Ο¤Holiday Blues ¤Ο¤
• I Don't Like Lollipops
• The Secret World Beside Us