Artemis the transexual

Summary: The present In Hollys’ POV “Oh, ma chère Holly, Holly douce que vous savez si bien, comme Juliette, vous devez […]

Chapters: 1 2 3 4

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The present In Hollys’ POV

“Oh, ma chère Holly, Holly douce que vous savez si bien, comme Juliette, vous devez mourir. NOW FUCKING rester immobile.” Butler had escaped from the dungeon and decided to visit the place where he had murdered his sister he was speaking in french to insure that nobody apart fom Artemis new what he was saying (he said ‘Oh, Holly, dear, sweet Holly you know to much so, like Juliette, you must die. NOW FUCKING STAY STILL‘)

“Oh, cher Domovoi, je dois insit que je reste en mouvement car si je ne bougeais pas, je crains que vous ne me tuer et Arty.” Of course I obliged to remain in French. (I said “Oh, dear Domovoi, I must insist that I remain moving for if I didn’t move I fear you would kill me and Arty.”)

“Ah, nous semblons être à un malentendu. VOUS AVEZ BESOIN DE FUCKING DIE! Vous savez à FUCKING beaucoup! O.K. Quand ce Regester In Your Head FUCKING FAT? Vous savez que je ARTEMIS VIOL vraiment BAISE! Vous savez que je pensais qu’il était SEXY comme une fille!” Put it this way if he got any louder you would have literally been able to here him in France. (He said “Ah, we seem to be at a misunderstanding. YOU NEED TO FUCKING DIE! YOU KNOW TO FUCKING MUCH! O.K. WHEN WILL THAT REGESTER IN YOUR FAT FUCKING HEAD? YOU KNOW THAT I REALLY DID FUCKING RAPE ARTEMIS! YOU KNOW THAT I THOUGHT HE WAS SEXY AS A GIRL!”)

“Non, Dom, nous sommes à un malentendu. Vous allez me tuer. Si je ne vous tuent pas en premier. Je ne peux pas mettre en péril Arty comme ça.” I said in that dodgy voice where I am being way to over protective over Artemis. (“No, Dom, we are at a misunderstanding. You are going to kill me. If I don’t kill you first. I can’t put Arty at risk like that.”)

“Holly, vous savez bien ainsi que je suis en mesure de se battre pour moi.” Artemis, of course, speaking when uneeded in the conversation. (He said “Holly, you know fine well I am able to fight for myself.”) Butler shoot’s Artemis in the center of his chest.

“No, Arty,” I say choking through my tears of fear, regret and sadness (I couldn’t think of a better word to discribe sadness). I then shoot Butler directly between the eyes. “Artemis, please, wake up, please, please, please, no you can’t die you must live. H…H…H…H…H…H…H…heal.” I am silently praying that it works. So little he knows and so much I would have him know. He rules my dreams and my heart, my mind and my sanity, please don’t die. Then, in barley a wisper, I say “I love Artemis, I only hope there is still a chance for us…”

“H…Holly?” Artemis says in a feeble voice.

“Arty?!” I exclaim barley able to keep the shock out of my voice. I hug him into my tits.

“H…H…Holly your smothering me.” Artemis struggles to say in a muffled voice.

I lays my hands delicately on his shoulders and gently push him away. I then move my hand to the back of his head and firmly pull him forward to the front of my own face, press my lips gently against his and kiss him softly. I feel more of the sparks what will heal him pass through my body and through his lips. I then realises that is the only reason he is allowing me to kiss him. He is stealing my magic. I firmly push him away.

“Artemis? Are you just using me for my magic?” I asked hardly able to keep the betrayal out of my voice.

“Mon doux, doux Holly à moi de vous faire commencer la journée. Mettez-le de cette façon si je le pouvais je avoir des rapports sexuels avec vous en ce moment même dans le temps mais je crains de ne rentrait pas jusqu’à vous. Et avant de commencer, je sais bien bien ton m’a donné une période de trois ans dick.” He said with passion and heart in his voice so much so it was almost beleavable. Almost.

“No, Artemis Fowl I refuse to beleave you. Tusa atá suite caileannógach, nach bhfuil tú fiú an talamh a shiúlann tú ar, ba mhaith liom riamh ‘ná’ an mac basterd de bitch fuck shitting, is tú mo mhac basterd fucking a fucking worthless píosa de fucking cac!” I shouted at him (I said, in proper Irish, “You lying, you’re not worth the ground you walk on, I would never ‘do’ the son of a bitch basterd fuck shitting, you are my fucking basterd son of a fucking worthless piece of fucking shit.”)

He didn’t reply he just looked quizicly like I had spoken in hebrew or something that got me really pissed at him “YOU CLAIM TO BE FUCKING IRISH? YOU DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND YOUR OWN NATIVE TOUNGUE! I THOUGHT ARTEMIS FOWL THE SECOND THE SMARTEST SHITTING FUCK IN THE WORLD NEW HOW TO SPEAK EVERY FUCKING GOD DAMN LANGUAGE IN THIS SHITTING FUCK PLANET? YOU MASTERD GNOMEISH YET YOU CAN’T EVEN UNDERSTAND A LITTE GOD DAMN IRISH YOU BASTERD! NEXT TIME BEFORE YOU LEARN A LANGUAGE LEARN YOUR FUCKING OWN!” I screamed at him like a parent would there daughter when they found out she were pregnant.

Artemis cowered in the corner of the room crying begging me to calm down saying that he would never use me like that again but of course I knew he was speaking bullshit he would do it again. He would lie his arse off like a centure trying to get you to sell them the latest hoof polisher for free. I almost felt sorry for him. He had snot coming from many diferent areas of his body. I felt the urge to start begging for his forgivness that I was truly sorry but I unlike him don’t lie my fucking arse off to get something I want. So rather than ruining the poor boys sanity anymore I attatched the zonked Butler to my moon belt and flew back to the section 8 HQ.

“Holly, dear friend what is wrong?” Foaly the centure asked me not bothering to keep the worry out of his voice.

“It is nothing I just thought…. It doesn’t matter I would be put to death if I told you anyway.” I say not bothering to keep the depression out of my voice any longer I say, “He’s your man.” and walk off not caring any more. If I lose my job I lose my job. I lost the only thing in the world what I cared about I left him because he no longer gave a shit about me all he wanted was my magic not me I loved him he loved my magic.

I slowly walk to my apartment on 8th street. I walk through the door, up the stairs and to my apartment door. I try to put my key in the lock but I keep missing the door handle. I’m a nervous and depressed wreck. Hearing the noise I’m making next door or Mrs. Koboi. Yes it’s ironic really. The person who lives in the flat beside me is the mother of a homicidal maniac who I have put behind bars more times then I have fingers. But Mrs. Koboi was a nice woman. She helped me with my door I mumbled a thanks and almost fell through my door. The first thing I done was bawl my eyes numb. After I went in the shower with a pathetic attempt to drown myself. I walked into my bedroom and fell onto my bed and with some miracle I fell asleep.

I wake up in a wet patch in the middle of the bed. I had been crying in my sleep. I turned the sereo on I forgot that I had Lily Allen in and it’s play ‘It’s not fair’oh he treats me with respect he says he loves me all the time
he calls me fifteen times a day he likes to make sure that I’m fine
you know I’ve never met a man whose made me feel quite so secure
hes not like all them other boys they’re all so dumb and immature
oh he treats me with respect he says he loves me all the timehe calls me fifteen times a day he likes to make sure that I’m fineyou know I’ve never met a man whose made me feel quite so securehes not like all them other boys they’re all so dumb and immaturethere’s just one thing that’s getting in the way
when we go up to bed you’re just not good it’s such a shame
I look into your eyes I want to get to know you
and then you make this noise and its apparent it’s all over
oh he treats me with respect he says he loves me all the timehe calls me fifteen times a day he likes to make sure that I’m fineyou know I’ve never met a man whose made me feel quite so securehes not like all them other boys they’re all so dumb and immaturethere’s just one thing that’s getting in the waywhen we go up to bed you’re just not good it’s such a shameI look into your eyes I want to get to know youand then you make this noise and its apparent it’s all overit’s not fair and I think you’re really mean
I think you’re really mean
I think you’re really mean
oh he treats me with respect he says he loves me all the timehe calls me fifteen times a day he likes to make sure that I’m fineyou know I’ve never met a man whose made me feel quite so securehes not like all them other boys they’re all so dumb and immaturethere’s just one thing that’s getting in the waywhen we go up to bed you’re just not good it’s such a shameI look into your eyes I want to get to know youand then you make this noise and its apparent it’s all overit’s not fair and I think you’re really meanI think you’re really meanI think you’re really meanoh you’re supposed to care but you never make me scream
you never make me scream

oh he treats me with respect he says he loves me all the timehe calls me fifteen times a day he likes to make sure that I’m fineyou know I’ve never met a man whose made me feel quite so securehes not like all them other boys they’re all so dumb and immaturethere’s just one thing that’s getting in the waywhen we go up to bed you’re just not good it’s such a shameI look into your eyes I want to get to know youand then you make this noise and its apparent it’s all overit’s not fair and I think you’re really meanI think you’re really meanI think you’re really meanoh you’re supposed to care but you never make me screamyou never make me screamoh it’s not fair and it’s really not ok
it’s really not ok
it’s really not ok

oh you’re supposed to care but all you do is take
all you do is take

well I lie here in the wet patch in the middle of the bed
I’m feeling pretty damn hard done by, I spent ages giving head
then I remember all the nice things that you’ve ever said to me
maybe I’m just overreacting, maybe you’re the one for me

there’s just one thing that’s getting in the way
when we go up to bed you’re just not good it’s such a shame
I look into your eyes I want to get to know you
and then you make this noise and its apparent it’s all over

it’s not fair and I think your really mean
I think you’re really mean
yes I think you’re really mean

oh your supposed to care but you never make me scream
you never make me scream

oh it’s not fair and it’s really not ok
it’s really not ok
it’s really not ok

oh you’re supposed to care but all you do is take
all you do is take

there’s just one thing that’s getting in the way
when we go up to bed you’re just not good it’s such a shame
I look into your eyes I want to get to know you
and then you make this noise and its apparent it’s all over

it’s not fair and I think you’re really mean
I think you’re really mean
yes I think your really mean

oh you’re supposed to care but you never make me scream
you never make me scream

oh it’s not fair and it’s really not ok
it’s really not ok
it’s really not ok

oh you’re supposed to care but all you do is take
all you do is take

I feel the tears rolling down my cheeks. I return to my room and curl into a ball and weep until Trouble Kelp knocks on my door I rap myself in a black dressing gown and answer the door he walks in and asks me why I was not at work today. I tell him that I don’t need to tell him anything, he shouts at me it goes in one ear and out the other. He probes me I keep quiet. He gets me to spill the beans on why i’m not at work by saying “Well I guess you may as well quit I mean with no more Artemis in the picture you may aswell.”

I ask “What do you mean ‘with no more Artemis in the picture’?”

He simply says “Butler shot him last night. Before you knocked out Butler, that is.”

So I say “No, I healed Fowl. He’s alive and well. Or at least he was when I left him.”

“Since when did you call Artemis ‘Fowl’ I thought the whole he kidnapped then lied to me thing had finished?” He looked at me quizically then said “What happend?”

I tell him everthing what happend last night. The next thing I know I am walking down the street with cuffs around my wrist.

 

When we arrive at the station when Foaly comes galloping around the corner shouting something in ancient centaur. When he gets to us he realises me and tells me to run. So here I am legging it around the couner of the LEP building with  the whole of the LEP on hot on my tail. All I had to do was get to the next magma shoot and I was safe. I was faster than all of the LEP and I suspected that most of them were being slow rather than putting me behind bars I knew half of them at least could not bare to see me be put to death because of some mud-man. I ran as fast as I could, I skidded to halt outside the nearest shoot and flung myself into it. I knew that if I were not fast enough I would die, if I went back I would die, just more painfully. I decided to take my luck with the shoot. So I strapped on a pair of wings and as I flew up the shoot I felt the heat hot on my heels. I knew surley that I would be dead in  a matter of seconds but I still continued to fly for some reason my will to live had came back at the worst moment in time. I still flew even though I could fell the heat engulfing my ankles I knew I was dead…

Artemis’ home in his POV

I suddenly felt this strange feeling, like I was being cut in half I hadn’t realised it until I thought back to when I was in the whole ‘I-cut-myself-because-I’m-completely-insane-and-depressed’ stage of puberty. I shuddered at the thought of that stage in my life the only reason I didn’t off myself because I knew that if I let Holly beleave I was inlove with her or that I was her friend she might fall for me. I thought back to what that got me a few hours ago I didn’t understand what she had said but I recognised a few words such as ‘shitting fuck’, ‘fuck’ and ‘shit’ I knew she was pissed with me.

Chapters: 1 2 3 4

Comments on This Post

37 responses to “Artemis the transexual.” Join in!

  1. Wow. That was… strange. 😀 Not in a bad way, of course. Thank you for putting the warning by the way. Although I DO ignore those. YeY twelve-year-olds! XD But seriously. I usually don’t…read… boy/boy stuff. But as far as that… stuff… goes, NoT BaD! 😀

    ~CC

  2. ALL CAPS ARE VERY ANNOYING! IT’D BE NICE IF YOU CHANGED SOME OF THOSE. 😉

    Can you, eh… look at sentence structure, please? It’s very erratic. You have a run-on sentence, a few quote grammar mistakes, and some missing commas in the space of five paragraphs. It’s hard to read. That’s not to say that it’s bad. I actually found parts of it very entertaining. But if you would clean up the grammar, punctuation, and caps, it would be so much better. It looks very unprofessional as is.

  3. Hermione Fowl May 1st, 2010 at 3:16 am 3

    I ignore the warninngs too. That was really random. I laughed for ages!! =)=)=)

  4. Ohansahyosheli May 2nd, 2010 at 1:19 am 4

    BWAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
    I LOVE THIS!!! Plotless and strange, but seriously, continue or fear my wrath! (Oops, stole HF’s line…)

  5. Eh, random. It was okay, I suppose, but plotless. Yes, I agree, Ohan.

    So, you should continue. Not making much sense, am I? Ah. but then I DO have a fever…

    Okay. Update. The end.

  6. Huh…Why did you get that sex change, Artemis? And who got you pregn-

    Actually, just kidding, I really don’t want to know.

    Sort of crazy and pointless, but very entertaining.

  7. Beckett Simpleton May 2nd, 2010 at 10:56 am 7

    *Shudders* urrgh. *Vomits*

  8. Ooooooooo…..kay? 8)

    Why would Artemis get a gender change? The most he could be is bi, what with having feelings for more than one female. Although the idea of Artemis the teenage girl is entertaining… *evil chuckle*

    ….another Artler fic. I get the woooooorst images from those. 😯

    Imagine what Minerva said. 😉

    Still, funny. Loud title when you’re in possible munchkin-land, but hilarious all the same. *chides Artemis Senior for his language in a manner reminiscent of a nanny*

    ~Yoshi

  9. um…wow. I’m still recoiling from shock. That was pretty funny although I agree with Artificial Asian, the ALL CAPS is quite irritating. I love Artemis’ full name lol :Artemis John Joshua Theodor Charles KINKY Fowl. Oh my days… so funny

  10. iwa the Chris Tormentor May 4th, 2010 at 11:04 pm 10

    Coooouuuuuuuuuugggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh

  11. OH.MY.#*@$!
    *runs for bathroom&barfs*
    ummmm……wow…..

  12. lepofficer May 7th, 2010 at 3:53 pm 12

    your wrong and very strange. i liked it but why the HELL would he be PREGNATE with BUTLER! it is sooooooooooooo wrong! and gross. just plain random

  13. Beckett Simpleton May 7th, 2010 at 8:28 pm 13

    I have to say, no matter how rude it is; I rase my hand in agreement to lepofficer 🙁

  14. Personally, I can’t picture Arty waving something he peed on in Butler’s face :/

    I gotta agree. TONE DOWN THE CAPS OR MINE WILL SUCK THE MARROW FROM YOUR BONES.

    I also have to agree that Artemis John Joshua Theodore Charles Kinky Fowl is the BEST middle name attempt, and ever shall be. I’m proud of you.

    BUT I WON’T BE IF I MUST SEND THINGS TO SUCK THE MARROW FROM YOUR BONES D:

  15. My comment got cut in half 🙁 Here’s the rest:

    Othewrwise, though, I like this. It’s very interesting, and I like how you used this plot with involving MPreg (a petpeeve and slight fear of mine). It’s very interesting, but you should definately check up on and banish your OOCness to the Land of BONE-MARROW-SUCKERS, whom I pay in victum’s bone marrow to suck things for me. If you continue with the OOCness, the BONE-MARROW-SUCKERS WILL come for you while you sleep. Mmmkay?

  16. lep officer May 8th, 2010 at 5:47 am 16

    i am 11 and wasup all night cause of u! disturbing…

  17. lep officer May 8th, 2010 at 4:46 pm 17

    could u pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaasssssssssseeeeeee not write it like that very funny back my stomach was churning and i literly barfed all over me and my carpet. mum was NOT happy and said that i shouldnt read these things. im ingnoring her still cause im reading it again! u owe me a knew carpet! i stinks like barf!

  18. myles smarty-pants May 9th, 2010 at 3:28 pm 18

    there’s a reason the age warning is there lep officer it’s because you will puke and stuff (you need Sex Ed lessons to not puke at this story 👿 😈

  19. Beckett Simpleton May 9th, 2010 at 7:56 pm 19

    *shudders again* oMg those were the worst science lessons of my life… *withers and dies*

  20. oh dear lord i have now just recovered from a ridiculous amount of deja vu from previous sex ed lessons especially the ones about…*trails off* best not to think about that actually. Might be sick.

  21. myles smarty-pants May 16th, 2010 at 4:04 pm 21

    i feel sorry for you i have only had the one set of lessons ’cause i’m in year 7 but sill… you poor, poor child.

    Oh and what the hell did you mean ShortRebel by ‘And who got you pregn-‘?

  22. Whoa. i dont really mind it but are you going to say why they have a prisoner?

  23. *vomits* Eh, sorry. I usually have a fairly strong stomach.

    Erm, this was… interesting. A few mistakes, though, but overall pretty good. 🙂

    -Star

  24. Your only in year 7. Man I feel bad for you. You’re still going to have to endure so much more…I mean a lot more. Well, I suppose it’s more to do with the school you’re at, but…you know what, don’t even think about it.

  25. myles smarty-pants May 22nd, 2010 at 1:24 pm 25

    i try not to but after the science lessons it’s hard not to….*almost pukes at the thought of what teacher was implying*

  26. well…er…a bigger warning might’ve prepared me for that…interesting use of language. When I mean bigger I mean much MUCH MUCH BIGGER.

    There are major grammar, spelling and punctuation mistakes. Please could you edit them. Proof-reading never hurt anybody either.

    There are dribs and drabs of the story that would’ve had a lot of potential if you hadn’t used such coarse language. Bits where Holly is running for her life is good and has potential for greatness.

    By the way, if you are a year 7 i.e. your roughly 12 years old, what are you doing writing something that should only be read by someone who is over 18?? Just curious…

  27. Lots of cussing…. LOTS….

  28. myles smarty-pants June 12th, 2010 at 12:55 am 28

    i am writing stories like this beause i have knowledge above my year (not trying to sound like a big head)plus i have a ‘contact’ i.e. somebody who is alot older than me and alot more obvious in the talking of explaining it.

  29. What…..The……Hell? Ok, change the story, work on the plot a little.

  30. Beckett Simpleton June 16th, 2010 at 7:18 am 30

    I shouldn’t have come on here so early in the morning. You know, Artyrox has a point there. AND WHY DO YOU HAVE TO TAINT MY COMPUTER BY TYPING IT ON IT!? *sighs* this story makes me think of the sick side of Bedtime Stories. *whipes keys with disenfectant* wouldn’t want to catch the over 18 desiese now…? oh I found a pretty disgusting m rating on FFNet. I’m never reading m ratings again. Ever. 😯

  31. Omg, I have a very very strong stomach and all. You changed that. I usually ignore the warnings…very NOT wise of me. It was funny but weird. I don’t like this Artemis. I want my Arty back! Well, even though this story is gross, It’s sorta interesting. I am so scared right now. *Shudders* Indeed, what would Minerva say. *Tsk tsk tsk* :s Excuse me, I must go puke. You have no idea what sort of weird images this story put into my innocent twelve year old head. *Shudders* Good job though, you certainly have, a … very interesting ideas and ….um….you know how to keep your audience at attention. *Shudders*

  32. Wowthatsgenius July 16th, 2010 at 10:59 pm 32

    bwahhhh! im all for gay rights but… butler? and… ARTEMIS?

  33. Ohansahyosheli July 17th, 2010 at 1:45 am 33

    There’s a user called ButlerxArtemis. Watch out you won’t offend her.

  34. There’s a user called ButlerxArtemis?…….!? wait are you talking about my name or another person?

  35. Oh Frond. Oh my goodness. Oh my #&%@#, to put it mildly. Some parts were absolutely hilarious (mostly – no, all – in the first chapter). The rest was totally obscene, utterly random, and completely…*shudders*. I’ll give you credit for originality and Most Swears In One Paragraph that I’ve seen in a while (not really good). I agree with some other ppl here, put up an even stronger warning next time.

  36. I would just like to say one thing.

    Things like this do not make you more mature. Using language like the words in here so frequently, using sexual themes so often and so flippantly- things like that do not display maturity. Quite the contrary, actually. It takes a certain level of maturity to use obscenities artfully (and yes, it is possible). Language like that so heavily concentrated into the overall story just makes it unpleasant to read – not because of the plot and the words used, but because of the disregard shown for the language. Because really, it is a disregard.

    If you go back and look over what you’ve written, take out about 98% of the profanity, and rewrite it – actually put some time into your word choice instead of just writing whatever comes to mind – and come out with something you would be proud to call your work, it will be worth it. This is not a bad story. The manner in which it was written is disappointing, because I know you could do better.

    And by the way, the correct term is not transvestite. That is a term for a crossdresser. The term you are looking for is transexual.

  37. myles smarty-pants January 2nd, 2011 at 8:24 pm 37

    thank you for the clarification in that, but please, I am fine calling this my work and I do think about what I write, I know that swearing and sexual thmes do not make me more mature, I am twelve and just have a really dirty mind thanks to a 13-15 year olds desicion that at the age of 10 I am old enough to learn sex ed.

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