Artemis the transexual

Summary: Fowl Manor, Artemis’ private bathroom 6 years ago “Butler! Get in here now!”Artemis shouted to Butler from his private bathroom […]

Chapters: 1 2 3 4

3 votes, average: 1.67 out of 53 votes, average: 1.67 out of 53 votes, average: 1.67 out of 53 votes, average: 1.67 out of 53 votes, average: 1.67 out of 5 (3 votes, average: 1.67 out of 5)
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Fowl Manor, Artemis’ private bathroom 6 years ago

Butler! Get in here now!”Artemis shouted to Butler from his private bathroom he had some very bad news for Butler.

“Yes, sir?” He replied fear in his voice.

“LOOK AT THIS! I NEW IT! Why oh why did I get that sex change Butler why?” Artemis sreamed at Butler while waving a thing what looked like a thermometer in his face.

“WHAT IS THAT?” Buler said with real fear in his voice when he realised that it was a pregnancy test rather than a thermometer.

“IT’S DOUBLE LINES BUTLER! I’M PREGNANT! DON’T GIVE ME THAT LOOK BUTLER! YOU. ARE. THE. FATHER.” Artemis screamed so loudly that Angline and Artemis Sr ran upstairs, with a gun.

“ARTY, WHAT IS IT BABY?” Angeline shouted through the bathroom door.

“ARTEMIS JOHN JOSHUA THEODOR CHARLES KINKY FOWL GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM NOW! LET ME SHOOT THAT FUCKING PERVERT WHERE HE STANDS!” Artemis Sr barked through the door.

“Come on Arty boy leave daddy to his work. You know Butler deserves it.” Angeline said more calmly and slightly hypnotic.

“No, mother he doesn’t, it’s my fault I take full responsability it is my fault I convinced Butler to do it with me he didn’t want to. So in a sense you should be shooting me not Butler father.” Artemis replied calmly and picked up the gun from his floor and then even calmer and convincingly he said “If you came anywhere near Butler anyway I would shoot either you or myself and we wouldn’t want that now would we?” He laughed inwardly and thought that he could never go through with murder but suicide maybe if he were in the right mood.

“Artemis, sweet heart, baby, you are protecting a rapist, has he convinced you that if you told he would kill us? Or hurt us? Or that it was for your own good? Or that you liked it? Arty you can tell us.” Angline said with fear in her voice indicating that she wanted to prove Butler was a rapist-murderer.

“Mother please listen for a minute and you will get the whole thing. Butler did not rape me nor did he threaten to kill you or father. Infact if I were not as clever as I pleasntly am Butler never would have removed his stupidly large trousers for me. So do not blame Butler blame me.” He said in a matter-of-factly way.

Chapters: 1 2 3 4

Comments on This Post

37 responses to “Artemis the transexual.” Join in!

  1. Wow. That was… strange. 😀 Not in a bad way, of course. Thank you for putting the warning by the way. Although I DO ignore those. YeY twelve-year-olds! XD But seriously. I usually don’t…read… boy/boy stuff. But as far as that… stuff… goes, NoT BaD! 😀

    ~CC

  2. ALL CAPS ARE VERY ANNOYING! IT’D BE NICE IF YOU CHANGED SOME OF THOSE. 😉

    Can you, eh… look at sentence structure, please? It’s very erratic. You have a run-on sentence, a few quote grammar mistakes, and some missing commas in the space of five paragraphs. It’s hard to read. That’s not to say that it’s bad. I actually found parts of it very entertaining. But if you would clean up the grammar, punctuation, and caps, it would be so much better. It looks very unprofessional as is.

  3. Hermione Fowl May 1st, 2010 at 3:16 am 3

    I ignore the warninngs too. That was really random. I laughed for ages!! =)=)=)

  4. Ohansahyosheli May 2nd, 2010 at 1:19 am 4

    BWAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
    I LOVE THIS!!! Plotless and strange, but seriously, continue or fear my wrath! (Oops, stole HF’s line…)

  5. Eh, random. It was okay, I suppose, but plotless. Yes, I agree, Ohan.

    So, you should continue. Not making much sense, am I? Ah. but then I DO have a fever…

    Okay. Update. The end.

  6. Huh…Why did you get that sex change, Artemis? And who got you pregn-

    Actually, just kidding, I really don’t want to know.

    Sort of crazy and pointless, but very entertaining.

  7. Beckett Simpleton May 2nd, 2010 at 10:56 am 7

    *Shudders* urrgh. *Vomits*

  8. Ooooooooo…..kay? 8)

    Why would Artemis get a gender change? The most he could be is bi, what with having feelings for more than one female. Although the idea of Artemis the teenage girl is entertaining… *evil chuckle*

    ….another Artler fic. I get the woooooorst images from those. 😯

    Imagine what Minerva said. 😉

    Still, funny. Loud title when you’re in possible munchkin-land, but hilarious all the same. *chides Artemis Senior for his language in a manner reminiscent of a nanny*

    ~Yoshi

  9. um…wow. I’m still recoiling from shock. That was pretty funny although I agree with Artificial Asian, the ALL CAPS is quite irritating. I love Artemis’ full name lol :Artemis John Joshua Theodor Charles KINKY Fowl. Oh my days… so funny

  10. iwa the Chris Tormentor May 4th, 2010 at 11:04 pm 10

    Coooouuuuuuuuuugggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh

  11. OH.MY.#*@$!
    *runs for bathroom&barfs*
    ummmm……wow…..

  12. lepofficer May 7th, 2010 at 3:53 pm 12

    your wrong and very strange. i liked it but why the HELL would he be PREGNATE with BUTLER! it is sooooooooooooo wrong! and gross. just plain random

  13. Beckett Simpleton May 7th, 2010 at 8:28 pm 13

    I have to say, no matter how rude it is; I rase my hand in agreement to lepofficer 🙁

  14. Personally, I can’t picture Arty waving something he peed on in Butler’s face :/

    I gotta agree. TONE DOWN THE CAPS OR MINE WILL SUCK THE MARROW FROM YOUR BONES.

    I also have to agree that Artemis John Joshua Theodore Charles Kinky Fowl is the BEST middle name attempt, and ever shall be. I’m proud of you.

    BUT I WON’T BE IF I MUST SEND THINGS TO SUCK THE MARROW FROM YOUR BONES D:

  15. My comment got cut in half 🙁 Here’s the rest:

    Othewrwise, though, I like this. It’s very interesting, and I like how you used this plot with involving MPreg (a petpeeve and slight fear of mine). It’s very interesting, but you should definately check up on and banish your OOCness to the Land of BONE-MARROW-SUCKERS, whom I pay in victum’s bone marrow to suck things for me. If you continue with the OOCness, the BONE-MARROW-SUCKERS WILL come for you while you sleep. Mmmkay?

  16. lep officer May 8th, 2010 at 5:47 am 16

    i am 11 and wasup all night cause of u! disturbing…

  17. lep officer May 8th, 2010 at 4:46 pm 17

    could u pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaasssssssssseeeeeee not write it like that very funny back my stomach was churning and i literly barfed all over me and my carpet. mum was NOT happy and said that i shouldnt read these things. im ingnoring her still cause im reading it again! u owe me a knew carpet! i stinks like barf!

  18. myles smarty-pants May 9th, 2010 at 3:28 pm 18

    there’s a reason the age warning is there lep officer it’s because you will puke and stuff (you need Sex Ed lessons to not puke at this story 👿 😈

  19. Beckett Simpleton May 9th, 2010 at 7:56 pm 19

    *shudders again* oMg those were the worst science lessons of my life… *withers and dies*

  20. oh dear lord i have now just recovered from a ridiculous amount of deja vu from previous sex ed lessons especially the ones about…*trails off* best not to think about that actually. Might be sick.

  21. myles smarty-pants May 16th, 2010 at 4:04 pm 21

    i feel sorry for you i have only had the one set of lessons ’cause i’m in year 7 but sill… you poor, poor child.

    Oh and what the hell did you mean ShortRebel by ‘And who got you pregn-‘?

  22. Whoa. i dont really mind it but are you going to say why they have a prisoner?

  23. *vomits* Eh, sorry. I usually have a fairly strong stomach.

    Erm, this was… interesting. A few mistakes, though, but overall pretty good. 🙂

    -Star

  24. Your only in year 7. Man I feel bad for you. You’re still going to have to endure so much more…I mean a lot more. Well, I suppose it’s more to do with the school you’re at, but…you know what, don’t even think about it.

  25. myles smarty-pants May 22nd, 2010 at 1:24 pm 25

    i try not to but after the science lessons it’s hard not to….*almost pukes at the thought of what teacher was implying*

  26. well…er…a bigger warning might’ve prepared me for that…interesting use of language. When I mean bigger I mean much MUCH MUCH BIGGER.

    There are major grammar, spelling and punctuation mistakes. Please could you edit them. Proof-reading never hurt anybody either.

    There are dribs and drabs of the story that would’ve had a lot of potential if you hadn’t used such coarse language. Bits where Holly is running for her life is good and has potential for greatness.

    By the way, if you are a year 7 i.e. your roughly 12 years old, what are you doing writing something that should only be read by someone who is over 18?? Just curious…

  27. Lots of cussing…. LOTS….

  28. myles smarty-pants June 12th, 2010 at 12:55 am 28

    i am writing stories like this beause i have knowledge above my year (not trying to sound like a big head)plus i have a ‘contact’ i.e. somebody who is alot older than me and alot more obvious in the talking of explaining it.

  29. What…..The……Hell? Ok, change the story, work on the plot a little.

  30. Beckett Simpleton June 16th, 2010 at 7:18 am 30

    I shouldn’t have come on here so early in the morning. You know, Artyrox has a point there. AND WHY DO YOU HAVE TO TAINT MY COMPUTER BY TYPING IT ON IT!? *sighs* this story makes me think of the sick side of Bedtime Stories. *whipes keys with disenfectant* wouldn’t want to catch the over 18 desiese now…? oh I found a pretty disgusting m rating on FFNet. I’m never reading m ratings again. Ever. 😯

  31. Omg, I have a very very strong stomach and all. You changed that. I usually ignore the warnings…very NOT wise of me. It was funny but weird. I don’t like this Artemis. I want my Arty back! Well, even though this story is gross, It’s sorta interesting. I am so scared right now. *Shudders* Indeed, what would Minerva say. *Tsk tsk tsk* :s Excuse me, I must go puke. You have no idea what sort of weird images this story put into my innocent twelve year old head. *Shudders* Good job though, you certainly have, a … very interesting ideas and ….um….you know how to keep your audience at attention. *Shudders*

  32. Wowthatsgenius July 16th, 2010 at 10:59 pm 32

    bwahhhh! im all for gay rights but… butler? and… ARTEMIS?

  33. Ohansahyosheli July 17th, 2010 at 1:45 am 33

    There’s a user called ButlerxArtemis. Watch out you won’t offend her.

  34. There’s a user called ButlerxArtemis?…….!? wait are you talking about my name or another person?

  35. Oh Frond. Oh my goodness. Oh my #&%@#, to put it mildly. Some parts were absolutely hilarious (mostly – no, all – in the first chapter). The rest was totally obscene, utterly random, and completely…*shudders*. I’ll give you credit for originality and Most Swears In One Paragraph that I’ve seen in a while (not really good). I agree with some other ppl here, put up an even stronger warning next time.

  36. I would just like to say one thing.

    Things like this do not make you more mature. Using language like the words in here so frequently, using sexual themes so often and so flippantly- things like that do not display maturity. Quite the contrary, actually. It takes a certain level of maturity to use obscenities artfully (and yes, it is possible). Language like that so heavily concentrated into the overall story just makes it unpleasant to read – not because of the plot and the words used, but because of the disregard shown for the language. Because really, it is a disregard.

    If you go back and look over what you’ve written, take out about 98% of the profanity, and rewrite it – actually put some time into your word choice instead of just writing whatever comes to mind – and come out with something you would be proud to call your work, it will be worth it. This is not a bad story. The manner in which it was written is disappointing, because I know you could do better.

    And by the way, the correct term is not transvestite. That is a term for a crossdresser. The term you are looking for is transexual.

  37. myles smarty-pants January 2nd, 2011 at 8:24 pm 37

    thank you for the clarification in that, but please, I am fine calling this my work and I do think about what I write, I know that swearing and sexual thmes do not make me more mature, I am twelve and just have a really dirty mind thanks to a 13-15 year olds desicion that at the age of 10 I am old enough to learn sex ed.

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