Artemis Fowl: The Valley of Fools
Written on January 14th, 2010 by Artificial AsianStory Details
(19 votes, average: 4.89 out of 5)
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Part the First: Characters
Chapter the Third: Sea
Once upon a time, there was a handsome prince in a faraway kingdom who had a large fortune to inherit one day, and rode a majestic, white stallion wherever he went. One day, this prince happened upon a girl who was sealed into a deep sleep by an evil witch’s curse. With one kiss from the prince, the girl was revived, and her beauty was once again radiant, her eyes once again open. They were married the very next day, and had three wonderful children. This story is not about the prince, nor is it about the princess, or any of their descendants. This story is about the princess’s third cousin’s friend’s uncle’s great, great grandson, Sea.
Sea’s family held a reputation reaching back thousands of years, spanning their entire family tree. That reputation was, as all children born into the family were told, to be upheld at all costs. Every member of the family was required to hold a burning desire to one day own a cheesecake factory. One day, maybe one of them even would. This was the given goal of all of his family, going back generations.
Sea, himself, didn’t much want to own a cheesecake factory, in fact. As you can imagine, his family didn’t like him much.
It was no grievance to Sea to be the black sheep of the clan. After all, some people simply hold bigger, better dreams in their hearts than that of being a figurehead in the cheesecake industry. Dreams like opening a bunny ranch.
For years, the boy searched and searched, using any tools and technology available, for a place in which he could begin to build his dream ranch. Finally, at the age of sixteen, he happened upon a large, previously undiscovered valley in the middle of the Mojave Desert in California. It was perfect. The only problem was that his sister had gotten to it first.
But this is not the time to tell the tale of poor, ill-fated Sea’s little sister. That is a story for the next chapter.
January 14th, 2010 at 1:08 am
Its… Its… *GASPS* Its beautiful! (: I know you literally just posted it 2 seconds ago but… I’m craving a update.
FIRST COMMENT DANCE!
January 14th, 2010 at 1:26 am
I know you probably hate spamming but I cant stop reading it! EEEEEEE!
January 14th, 2010 at 1:34 am
Great start. I know you just posted but *sigh* I already want an update. You can make even self-insertions look like a real story! Update please!
January 14th, 2010 at 1:48 am
I agree with cookie
January 14th, 2010 at 1:52 am
Great job AA! I like it!
January 14th, 2010 at 3:05 am
HEh heh. YOu wrote so wonderfully!
January 14th, 2010 at 4:27 am
When are you planning to update AA?
January 14th, 2010 at 4:33 am
Thanks s’much, everyone! I’ll update when I feel like it. Hah. I really don’t know. Before my birthday, but not before tomorrow. Well anyway… thanks.
January 14th, 2010 at 4:49 am
Happy (Up-coming) Birthday! … Im watching Adult Swim
January 14th, 2010 at 6:01 am
WOW I LIKE THAT HEAPS!
January 14th, 2010 at 6:13 am
I can NOT wait for an update! And you know something? This sound like something Douglass Adams would write! If he were alive anyway… Have you been possesed at all by Mr. Adams? Because it seems like it.
Now for the spammish part.
UPDATE! UUUUUUUPPPPPPPDDDDDDAAAAATTTTTEEEE! OR FACE THE WRATH OF MY SEASHELL SWORD!
*spammish part, complete*
January 14th, 2010 at 6:59 am
I updated, because I’m a bored pushover XD
Enjoy. This chapter’s the introduction for WTG’s character.
January 14th, 2010 at 7:08 am
*snickers* That… Was… Genius! *bursts out laughing* ‘She had stolen the damned fork.’ WHAT KIND OF NUTJOB STEALS A FORK?!?!! Well, one of us, but that’s beside the point! The point is, a pushover you may be, but your a pushover with talen! *laughs again*
Have you ever heard of the TV show Yu-Gi Oh? I may not have told you this, but I play the card game. I got one of thoes pins for the original season and it was huge to i keep my cards in it with the pin on the black cord… thing and always wear it. I would greatly appreciate it if you would include this for my character. (I did ask to be in, right?)
January 14th, 2010 at 7:33 am
Haha that’s was fantabulous. The works of a great writer. I’m afraid of kitchen utensils, especially the ones from the dishwasher. No I am being serious.
Any ways I can’t wait until the next update, especially the part were I come in. For my character, well you know what Im like e-sister.
Now the mean part….
Update or else I’ll use the bad side o the force on you and turn you to the darkside. That’s right I have the force now!
January 14th, 2010 at 8:55 am
Cookie… your scaring me… When I get scared to tend to shoot people. *eyes flicker to AA, who I really wish would update again even though they just did*
January 14th, 2010 at 1:44 pm
This is so awesome!!! I hope I’m just as psycho as WTG!!!
January 14th, 2010 at 4:44 pm
How am I scaring you Ally Kat? How? I am being my normal everyday *coughunfocusedcough* self.
I would be honestly worried if you were with me and I saw Gerard Way but…
I do speak for everyone here when I say, UPDATEE!
January 14th, 2010 at 6:10 pm
Jeez, are we maybe being a bit impatient?
1. I just updated, and it was like a couple hours after it was originally posted
2. I’m at school, about to go to stupid career day, so updating isn’t exactly possible at the moment
3. Oops time to go.
January 14th, 2010 at 10:37 pm
I…Love…It!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and thankyou for including the fork…
January 14th, 2010 at 10:57 pm
Someone else got to say you sound like Douglas Adams before me? Dam-arn. Darn.
Either way, utterly, fabulously funny job. My only compliant is that’s not complete yet xD
January 14th, 2010 at 11:01 pm
Dam-arn… thats some sweet words you got going on there TWS
No seriously.
January 15th, 2010 at 12:00 am
O_O Really?! D-douglas Adams?! I didn’t really register that the first time… seriously??! Jeez, that’s a really big compliment for me. Thanks so much, you guys.
And thanks to everyone else, too!
I’m really glad you like it. Working on an update as we speak…
Oh and WTG I played mod and merged a few of your comments… hope you don’t mind…
January 15th, 2010 at 12:01 am
Ha! XD SHe stole the fork!
UDPATE! XD
And seriously… when’s arty coming out?
January 15th, 2010 at 12:03 am
Partie Deux. Part Two. Part one is five introductions, one for each character, and then the plot starts. Sorry if it’s taking too long… I’ll write as fast as possible!!!
January 15th, 2010 at 12:11 am
can wait for chapter 3
January 15th, 2010 at 12:46 am
whos seen pants on the ground on american idol?
January 15th, 2010 at 1:01 am
Pants on the ground, pants on the ground, looking like a FOOL witcha pants on the ground XD
Seriously though, that’s a bit off topic.
January 15th, 2010 at 1:18 am
Whose introduction is coming next? *happily and impatiently awaiting next update*
Seriously, though, I LOVE this story! Your writing style is so great!
~Yoshi
January 15th, 2010 at 1:25 am
Im sorry about the pants on the ground thing… I was just getting this thought of Artemis rapping it…
January 15th, 2010 at 1:45 am
@Yoshi: Actually *cough*yours*cough* I can’t tell you.
@WTG: lol XD Neh, it’s fine. Wasn’t mad or anything, just pointing out the offtopicness. But wow, that would be funny.
January 15th, 2010 at 1:47 am
(legit me, actually)
I heard about, and have been singing it all day. It’d rock if Artemis rapped.
Pants on th ground, pants on the ground, hat to the side wit’ yo’ pants on the ground!
January 15th, 2010 at 2:17 am
I just wrote you guys a story… Its called: Artemis Fowl RAPS?!… yeah… read it… I have to peace now I have a huge test tommorow
January 15th, 2010 at 3:45 am
Changed my name. Just wanted you to know so you wouldn’t be like: “WHO IS THIS WTG IMPOSTER!?!?!?” I basically just added skillet at the end cuz Im gangsta. TEE-HEE
January 15th, 2010 at 7:08 am
Em, it’s short and in my opinion not quite as good as the rest, but I updated. The chapters won’t actually get really long until the plot starts, so that’s why these next few are going to be fairly small.
January 15th, 2010 at 8:03 am
That’s okay! Whoes next? WHOES NEXT???
January 15th, 2010 at 8:26 am
Vey good. Update when you can and don’t go on this site while your at school! Gosh! You’re going to get a DT or somethin’ and I’m not gonna break you out like I did with- 0_0 nevermind…update please.
January 15th, 2010 at 3:59 pm
@AK: I dunno yet.
@The Critic: Thanks, and it’s not against the rules. I’m on my phone at lunch. I mean, not right now. I didn’t leave yet… So you don’t have to worry about planning a detention heist.
January 15th, 2010 at 8:56 pm
omg Yoshi’s was hilarious.
“One can only handle so many mismatched socks before they crack”
Good job AA!
January 15th, 2010 at 9:57 pm
And in case anyone’s wondering, I’m up to my two hundred and thirty-ninth sock. AND NONE OF THEM FIT!!!!!!
~Yoshi
P.S. I hope everyone else will be as satisfied with theirs as I am with mine. It was so funny…
January 15th, 2010 at 11:42 pm
Despite my general dislike of stories containing nothing but self-inserts, this is by far one of the best fics I’ve read. It’s funny, but without being stupid.
Keep up the good work!
January 17th, 2010 at 8:55 pm
Recurring restaurant alert
January 17th, 2010 at 9:05 pm
*looks around shiftily*
Shhh… they don’t know about that! o.o
Heheheh.
January 18th, 2010 at 4:41 am
Where. Is. Chapter. Four?!
January 18th, 2010 at 5:17 am
I tried to write it… But it came out terrible. Now do you want it to be up, or do you want it to be good?
January 18th, 2010 at 6:42 am
*growls* Good. *glares* Or up. Either way it’ll probably be AMAZING considering YOU wrote it. *not sarcastic*
January 18th, 2010 at 7:25 am
Haha AK, but you got that right. It better be auh sum. I didn’t see the update and I just read it sooo yeah. It was very very excelly if not short. I totally cannot wait for my chapter!
January 18th, 2010 at 7:46 am
Ditto! ;P
January 21st, 2010 at 5:12 am
Hmm… chapter four seemed a little too short… but what’s this? Is that a reference to rabbits I see? Just for that I shall give you 5 stars!
Anyways, chapter four was pretty good. No grammar/spelling mistakes that really stand out, however it doesn’t seem to have a lot of action, but it was pretty well done overall, so I’ll give you 4 stars. 
(BTW, why would you start a rabbit farm in the desert? Rabbit’s aren’t supposed to live outside in temperatures over 80ºF.)
January 21st, 2010 at 5:43 am
There isn’t much action altogether until the actual plot starts, and then it’s not serious…
And I told you they’re short til the plot begins…
And with the rabbits over 80 degrees, this is not exactly the most serious, rational fic I’ve ever written.
So… yeah. Hah, but thanks, I suppose.
January 21st, 2010 at 4:57 pm
Yes! I be next then!
../\./\
=(^.^)= Eh hem. WE’RE next.
January 21st, 2010 at 9:49 pm
Ha, love it.
Beautifully written, too. And I LOVE the update! 
January 21st, 2010 at 11:24 pm
OMG!!! THIS IS AMAZING!! LOve the fork stealing. I was completley UNSUSPECTING that. I even stopped my Ipod playing so I could read this! ITS GOOD! Keep going with it…please!
January 26th, 2010 at 11:18 pm
Pwease update? I love Sea’s. Are you putting in AK as his younger sister?
January 28th, 2010 at 3:19 am
Yes. Sea /is/ my e-bro after all. Why shouldn’t he be my bro in the fic?
January 28th, 2010 at 3:26 am
Uhhh
.
.
.
I love I’m just . . . huh? Like SeaBlue? I mean, who else would want a bunny ranch?!
I’m amused and all, this is very funny and even more well writen than it is funny, I have to say, but . . . *confuzzled*
January 28th, 2010 at 4:50 am
What’s confuzzling? Mebbe me can explain it.
January 28th, 2010 at 5:11 am
Seh’s confuzzled on if it’s SeaBlue of not I think. It is SeaBlue BTW.
January 28th, 2010 at 7:37 am
O…kay…
And just thought I’d get it in here, but two more chapters of FG people, and then Artemis. Promise.
January 28th, 2010 at 8:15 am
Yay!
(will the next two be out soon?)
January 28th, 2010 at 9:22 am
Hmmm I better be included in the story soon e-sista or *coughyoullhavetowatchyourmailcough* “I will write a stern letter. We will all write stern letters•”. But naw, I really can’t wait for the next chapter.
•Corner Gas, “Buzz Driver”. That’s write I’m even doing refrences in my comments now.
January 28th, 2010 at 8:58 pm
This story is pure genius! It’s amazing and I can’t wait for the next chapters to come! I love it!!
January 28th, 2010 at 9:22 pm
AK’s will be out within the month or your money back. Cookie’s will be out within two weeks.
January 29th, 2010 at 10:26 pm
Coolio. (You have two days then by my count. Not to rush you or anything!)
January 30th, 2010 at 7:54 am
lol, cool AA. Cheesecake factories and Bunny ranches. Pure genius.
() ()
(0.0) *huggss*
January 30th, 2010 at 11:08 am
So you’re happy with it?
Awesome. I’ll try to write the next bit tomorrow, but I warn you, it may not be up for a while. I have a project for school, which could slow down the writing process considerably… I promise I’ll try!
January 30th, 2010 at 9:19 pm
*pats AA on the head* As long as you try I will not come to your house with a tank.
../\./\
=(^.^)= She’s lying. She might just do that anyway, if only for the reason she hasn’t used the tank in a while.
January 31st, 2010 at 10:05 pm
That was… mine?
AWESOME!
I loved, /loved/, /LOVED/ it! Excellent touch with the manga. I can already think of what would be in thoes stacks… (Shugo Chara, Fruits Basket, DNAngel, YOTUBA&!, Tokyo Mew Mew, La Corda d’Oro… *sighs in contentment)
Seriously? ME?! I was the one who made the base? SWEETNESS! *huggles AA* I love you my lovely e-twin!
Thank you soooo much for putting me in! Mind if I guess what TV shows the TV is programmed to?
Whoes Line is it Anyway and Mythbusters!
January 31st, 2010 at 10:22 pm
Hahah glad you liked it.
Yes, I was thinking of those two shows. And since you asked to join first, you are the main villain. Cookie is probably the more powerful villain, but you get more time in the story.
Awesome, happy you like it.
February 1st, 2010 at 4:47 am
Oooh I powerful? I like power. It has a certain quality to it. Hmm… AK gets more time and I get more power? A healthy balance, if you add exercising and eating well.
Anyways, to the story. I loved it and your writing is fantasterific as always. If you want me to use a real word I would say that this story is AWESOMESAUCE!! Yes that is a real word… in my dictionary.
February 5th, 2010 at 6:59 pm
Haven’t finished it yet but ‘Thomas Ward’ *snickers* unless i’m very mistaken that’s from the Wardstone Chronicals or ‘Spooks Books’ as they’re more commonly called.
February 5th, 2010 at 9:14 pm
Hum? No, I haven’t read those…. coincidence. XD
Thomas Ward is from the first fic I wrote, as is the Sorana restaurant, as Dontkillchic pointed out.
February 6th, 2010 at 11:28 pm
This is sooo funny!! I really loves it . . . Especially the manga . . . *thinks of wall to wall manga, and realizes that it is what dreams are made of*
Either way . . . it’s very funny, but still no plot. Loving it though.
February 7th, 2010 at 12:00 am
I promise there will be plot after this next chapter that I am in the process of writing. The last introduction is Cookie’s, and it should be up fairly soon. And thanks!
February 7th, 2010 at 3:09 am
Meh heh heh…. I was not among the number that believed the source of all evil could not be teenage girls. I’m one of them.
WALL-TO-WALL MANGA?!? *dies of total jealousy*
AK’s is awesome! Update when you can!!!
~Yoshi
February 8th, 2010 at 10:17 am
Haha, I predict mass humilaton of Arty…
Yeah yeah, AA made me log in *pouts*
February 8th, 2010 at 1:54 pm
YAY MYSTERIOUS BUTTON!!! *searches own keyboard frantically for button*
I can’t wait for Part 2!!!
~Yoshi
February 8th, 2010 at 4:36 pm
*rolls eyes* Yeah Alanna, I /made/ you, right? Completely forced you to ask me for a link… *cough*
Thanks Yoshi!! I can’t wait either
I like writing plot.
February 8th, 2010 at 4:46 pm
It is big and red and it says “DO NOT PRESS”. Of course I’m going to press it!
Haha thanks for the ahmazing introduction chapter e-sista
February 9th, 2010 at 7:30 am
*grins* Fine, I’ll go back to making sure you don’t blow FG up then.
February 9th, 2010 at 7:51 am
Glad you liked it, Cookie
And by the way… Cookie and AK… would you guys have any problems with getting into a “swearing” fight in the next chapter? XD
February 9th, 2010 at 8:37 am
Heck no! Count me IN!
February 9th, 2010 at 1:35 pm
hahaha funny story
February 12th, 2010 at 7:34 am
@ Alanna: Are you talking to me? Well I wouldn’t blow up FG, it’s not my style… Although I do love explosions and April fools is upon us.
@AA: OMFGBBQ I am so game for that…
February 18th, 2010 at 1:51 am
Still no update?
It’s such a good story…
February 21st, 2010 at 2:35 pm
Has been updayted.
Took quite a while to come up with something for this chapter that wasn’t utter shih tzu.
February 21st, 2010 at 2:46 pm
Haha! This is absolutely brilliant! I love your writing! You always make me laugh!
February 21st, 2010 at 6:36 pm
Ohhh, booya. My eyes aren’t hazel, but I wish they were. Hazel is a more intelligent color than doe-brown, so just keep um hazel.
I did actually use to live in California, untill I was two and a half, then we moved up to Washington. My mom says she wants to move there again though…
Brill. But hey, what did I expect? Japanese nonsense? No, this exceeds all expectations, which was probably very hard considering how high you’ve raised the bar for yourself. I found nothing! Though I’m still trying to get over the fact that I, a twelve year old, could say that kind of stuff non-censored, but I’ll get over it. (I really do say ‘What the Zark’ though, hence ‘WTZ?!’)
Worse than South Park? Really. Daaaannnnnggg. Someone turn on the bloody censor!
February 22nd, 2010 at 12:18 am
Darnit! *slams table* I knew you said your eye color somewhere… I couldn’t find it T-T oh well.
Glad you like it! Sorry bout that last bit, it was for the comic effect… I’ll change it if you want XD
February 22nd, 2010 at 1:45 am
No, no! Keep it! It was funny. And I’ve gotten over it, ten fold.
February 28th, 2010 at 11:48 am
UP! DATE!
I felt like including a couple of you, even if you didn’t ask. Only if I think I have your personality down, though.
Guess who got a free cameo!
March 1st, 2010 at 3:51 am
Oh… My…G! It’s AMAZING! IT’s so GREAT! I like the muffinfryin part! And I wa wondering (bcuz im super slow) who got cameos? Just wonderin. (Oh gosh im slow…)
March 1st, 2010 at 3:53 am
Thanks ^^
The two cameos that will be in the next chapter are posf and Duck With No Name. There’ll be a few more, though.
March 1st, 2010 at 11:30 pm
YAY UPDATES!!! *impromptu happy update conga line*
I love your work so much! Please update when you get the time!
~Yoshi
March 2nd, 2010 at 1:31 am
Hi AA,
You are amazing and both chapters were an epic win.
Just like Canada’s epic owning of the middle step.
Congratulations.
Love your e-sis,
Cookie
March 2nd, 2010 at 9:59 pm
Yay! An update!
And it’s fab as usual! *blows on party tooter* Also, this may seem like a stupid question but… what’s a cameo? 
March 3rd, 2010 at 2:51 am
@Yoshi & Cookie: Thaaanks guys! ^_^
@Duckeh: Cameo (cam’ ē ō) (n) : bit part played by a famous actor who would ordinarily not take such a small part
:D That’s the best definition I could find.
And thanks!
March 3rd, 2010 at 8:56 am
Aww, thanks AA! I can’t wait!
March 4th, 2010 at 10:34 pm
@Nameless Duck: She’s got that right. An example of a cameo is having an actually famous band playing live in the background pretending to be amateur while the main characters in the movie are at a music club or something. Or if Stephenie Meyer was a waitress in New Moon, or Eoin Colfer-sama was a goblin (he said he wanted to be) in Artemis Fowl. Stuff like that. It’s normally with famous actors and stuff. So if Robin Williams played a dude just buying stuff in a convenience store and walking out, and that’s all he did, that’s also a cameo.
~Yoshi
March 28th, 2010 at 5:57 am
You guys might wanna check this tomorrow; I have a feeling I shall be posting the update I been workin on
AK, can you describe the Yu-Gi-Oh thing you mentioned in a little more depth, pleeease?
March 28th, 2010 at 7:36 am
Sure.
You see, at the end of season 1 of Yu-Gi-Oh or some time before, they sold these limited-time pins. It’s really simple, just Yugi/The holding his cards in his left hand with the card he’s about to play in his right with the words ‘Yu-Gi-Oh’ under that. It comes in a little tin with a upside-down pyrimid shaped hole where you could see the pin with Yugi and Kiba on it with the Dark Magician and Blue Eyes under their players. Anyway, my bro was cleaning out his room and he gave it to me. I took the pin, put it on this cord thing on the case, and stuck my cards inside since it was just the right size, even a bit bigger, than my deck.
If you want the names of my cards (which I doubt) just PM me on FG. There are a few cards I have to tell you about, but I’ll PM you thoes.
April 5th, 2010 at 2:21 pm
I starting to get the feeling that going on FG might be a very good idea 0.0
April 10th, 2010 at 7:50 am
Hi Artificial Asian this is great I see what someone ment your a great writer
April 12th, 2010 at 10:05 pm
I check this so often, only to have my hopes dashed…
Anyhoo, I bet you’re busy with your editorial duties. I guess that’s why you haven’t updated in so long.
Good luck on the spam fighting! *has a spam sandwich*
~Yoshi
April 26th, 2010 at 8:19 am
Thanks guys
Has been updated thanks to Yoshi’s comment. I saw it and remembered I still had to write that update o_o
This one’s for AK, though I probably got all the Yu-Gi-Oh! stuff completely wrong XD
And I made the tin a pouch cuz… you’ll see why.
April 26th, 2010 at 10:46 am
:D awesomeness. xP poor lil sis though,For her anticlimatic “D-d-d-duel” scene, but she deserves it for stealing muh spot for my poor bunnies! Lol joking, AK, still love ya, e-sis.
() ()
(._.) Bunny gets airconditioning!
April 26th, 2010 at 8:53 pm
Oh my god AA. Thank you. That just made my day! I was all sad today and now this. *hugs* Haha you make me look like such an over confident person, I wish I was like that on a weekly basis. Although there was that day…
Haha I’m crying I’m laughing so hard. You made me better.
I love the anti climatic scene. LoL! Keep on writing e-sis. *more hugs*
April 27th, 2010 at 7:20 pm
…
And I thought you were going to say “You shall not pass” *disappointed*
XD
April 27th, 2010 at 8:20 pm
Ah, Cookie, glad you liked it
And yeah, I was about this close *holds up index finger and thumb about 1 centimeter apart* to saying it. But, like I said, decided not enough people would get it.
April 28th, 2010 at 12:10 am
Ok, I have just read chapters One and Two.
I don’t know where that came from - but IT WAS FUNNY!
Sorry, I had to say that before moving on…
*Steals fork out of your hand*
Ta Ta!
-Kitty XD
April 28th, 2010 at 6:41 am
No! My cards, my CARDS! Please tell me none of them were bent or anything. I’d kill myself if any of my precious were hurt… *sniffles*
Anti-climactic-ness!
I can totally picture that happened with me. Sometimes I tend to… royaly backfire on myself.
And Sea, I’m sorry about your bunnies. I’ll give you prime space for them, promise. :B
*adds Gambler of Legend card to ‘Special cards’ area of deck since it remindes me so much like my crush*
Allie, out! *dissapears in a puff of smoke, leaving a coin in her place*
April 28th, 2010 at 8:18 pm
Great update AA! Loving the Yu-Gi-Oh cards too! XD Your update makes one wonder what is going to happen next… *strokes imaginary beard*
May 9th, 2010 at 9:07 pm
O…MY…G!!! That was sooooooo amazingly awesome. I mean that was just pure comic genius!!! I think I’m going to pass out because of this ridculously brilliant story. You’ve got bucketloads…no wait what’s bigger than a bucket…hmmm…bathubs?…bathtubloads of talent!
This was just the thing to pick me up for exam week tomorrow. *sigh* exam week 
… anyway I shall be awaiting your next update 
cheerio
artyrox
June 7th, 2010 at 8:35 am
Thankye
Glad you like it.
*has updated*
I realized it had been over a month, and just posted what I had with a rushed ending, sorreh… it kinda works as a chapter ending / cliffie…
June 7th, 2010 at 7:31 pm
The only mistakes I noticed were:
He felt his eyelid twitch at the sudden, grating sound of metal scraping against metal assaulted their ears. -should it be ‘as’ instead of ‘at’?
And Butler’s gun is a Sig Sauer
But I loooovvvee your update, AA!
June 7th, 2010 at 8:39 pm
Ah, sorry bout the spelling, I’ll change it…
XD The at-as thing was like, I started writing it as “he felt his eyelid twitch at the sound” and ended with “as the sound bleh bleh bleh” XD Oopsies. Spacey.
Thanks Duckeh
June 8th, 2010 at 12:18 am
Even when you have writer’s block, you still produce astoundingly hilarious work. Jealousy may be a sin but I just can’t help but feel envious at your almighty talent
There’s nothing like a little comic relief to lift one’s spirits-it helps that it’s just too good.
Fingers crossed that this writer’s block is very brief and hopes that there will be many updates
June 8th, 2010 at 1:41 am
Brilliant. Pure genius.
Straight from the Battery herself. You never dissapoint. 
Please, update. 
We need it!
I’m… well, quite honestly I’m awestruck. You do something amazing, and then…. your amazingness jumped up several levels… even though the meter broke a long time ago.
~CC
June 9th, 2010 at 9:03 am
Is insanely jealous, is also hanging off your cliff. Luckily I managed to grab a tree root that or I would’ve fallen down ages ago. Now save me from the cliffie!
AAAAIIIEEEE!!!! Huge cliff! Um, long way to the ground! Save me, AA! type that update now!
June 11th, 2010 at 5:31 pm
Woo! Updates! ^-^
More! O.O
…
*has sudden inability to write sentences with more than one word >.>*
July 6th, 2010 at 12:21 am
Wow, this is amazingly good. pleeeease update! pleasepleasepleasepleasplease! thank you for writing this
July 18th, 2010 at 3:41 am
UPDATE!
August 22nd, 2010 at 1:35 am
You’re making me feel bad about myself. It’s so good… must read compulsively. UPDATE PLEASE!!!
August 22nd, 2010 at 10:09 am
Thanks so much, you guys ^_^ I updated, as you can see.
Seriously, I missed most of your comments when they were new, so I’ve just now seen them, and they made my day
Thanks, guys.
August 23rd, 2010 at 10:45 pm
*sigh* I’ve always wondered what it would be like to get tasered. Now a supposedly know XD
That was great AA, beside the fact that I got taken down. Ah, whatever, not everyone can win.
*claps* I really REALLY can’t wait for your next update my dear.
August 24th, 2010 at 6:48 pm
This story never fails to make me laugh, keep on typing!
August 28th, 2010 at 1:16 pm
Who’s read A Whole Nother Story? In the end, one of the bad guys gets a shot of truth serum and he starts spitting out a whole bunch of random facts about himself. One of them was that he steals forks from restaurants. Anyways AWESOME STORY LOVE UPDATEEEE
September 2nd, 2010 at 6:14 pm
Again! XD Aww, poor Cookie! But when you put it like that, it [i]is[/i] highly amusing!
Once again, AA, you have confounded me as to how you can write such a brilliant piece of work when you’re only 15! XD The only typo that I noticed was:
And I do like the idea of playing witha taser! ^_^ I really can’t wait for more, AA! It’s great! 
“Hey guys,” she said cheerily, realizing too late that she sounded like an overly peppy Wal-Mart greeter. Having already done the damaged, she put on her best winning smile, hoping that it would work.
Where the ‘damaged’ should be ‘damage’, but aside from that, it was perfect!
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:43 pm
The first chapter captivated me. The next four drew me in more. But in chapter five the plot kind of seemed to fizzle for me. It didn’t quite live up to what the first five chapters promised. Chapter nine was funny (Yu-Gi-Oh! reference was HILARIOUS), but I stopped reading after that at Chapter 10. Your writing style is amazing though. If the plot interested me, it would be four stars for sure. As it is…
3/5 - Good
September 3rd, 2010 at 1:32 am
@ET: Thank you for the real feedback XD You don’t see that much around these parts, honestly. I’m glad you like the style, and the plot is really to entertain these people ^_^ I know it doesn’t mean much to people looking for a brilliant fic.
@Hannah & Cookie: Thank you again
@Duck: Thanks; I’ll fix that.
@ww0rzxpurrt: Really? XD That’s funny.
September 6th, 2010 at 2:34 am
WHAT?! This is one of the best on the site, and is no longer on the top 10!
Anyways, LOVE the update! Keep writing! *ponders how AA can get away with not updating for long times*