Artemis Fowl and the Council of Liars

Summary: Okay, I can’t fix this. Ignore the huge, paragraphless section in italics. I have tried countless times to delete it. […]

Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5

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Okay, I can’t fix this. Ignore the huge, paragraphless section in italics. I have tried countless times to delete it. Sorry, guys. 🙂  

Stand back, human. You don’t know what you’re dealing with.  

 -Holly Short  

Five minutes earlier

        Somewhere very far away, another ‘Star’ was checking for cracks in The Machine. FowlStar. Her long hair was tied back in a sloppy ponytail, and the feather duster in her hands was filthy.Her job finally finished, FowlStar paced back and forth around her side of the Machine, waiting for the signal. The Machine itself was a large metal box the size of a gymnasium, and it was covered in dials. And, on one side, a button.  The button was being stroked by SilverSong, who was slowly giving in to the temptation. If she pressed this button, she could create anybody she pleased, as long as the person and the settings around him/her existed on paper. After a long moment, she began talking excitedly into a handheld radio.  “FowlStar, I am ready. We have waited long enough. This is your signal!”  FowlStar thrust the key into the hole, so fast that it seemed it would get stuck. But apparently it didn’t, because Silver pushed the button, and the machine began shaking. And humming, showing signs of life. And then it hummed, and shook some more. The Machine was working, actually doing what it was meant to do (whatever that was).Suddenly it stopped. “That does what remind me?” FS asked.Silver looked worried. “It creates book characters. The reason we see nothing is… well, I don’t know.” But, FowlStar knew. “Books, just as I thought. The reason we see nothing is because the product can come out wherever. The person you set it to could appear anywhere on the globe. Who did you set it to?” SilverSong turned bright pink. “Artemis Fowl.”

***

“The status is ‘Minor’, as in, minor issue that won’t affect anyone but us,” CrazyChick said, reading the top of the screen as if everyone else hadn’t. “It could also very well be a glitch. We’ll keep a tab on it, and see what it does…”

If anyone had to add to that, we shall never know, as the phone had begun to ring. Star blinked, and picked up the phone and answered it. Everyone’s attention was yanked from the computer as Star began to speak.

“Yes, we currently have four members… Really?! Booot camp and everything? …Yes, I suppose that might be an issue… BUDGET CUTS?! But that’s the minimum, isn’t it? Well, yes. Don’t worry; we have thirty of them… Poor, but the computers are fine. Uh… Thanks!” and then she hung up. “That’s the government. We get a new member tomorrow. ”

“Great,” said Falcon. “Now go order some plane tickets, because we still need to at least look at the blip.”

Here, Star frowned. “That’s the problem. They’re also cutting our budget in half, mostly because we haven’t done a single thing for hundreds of years. Only a few of us can go.”

Short was eager to end the conversation, and she did so by saying: “We’ll sleep on it. The blip is probably just a glitch. By tomorrow, it will probably be gone. That new guy/girl will also be here tomorrow. But not today.”

So they broke up, and eventually showered and went to sleep.

***

The next morning, there was a buzzing noise in the air that actually was more a feeling than anything else. It came from the nervous girls, who were cleaning. Actually, they considered it multitasking, as they were avoiding looking at the computer screen, which isn’t easy when your brain is begging to figure out what happens next.

Finally, CrazyChick broke the chilly quiet. “It smells like rotten milk in here.”

Nobody was surprised. They’d been cleaning the remains of the whipped cream fight from the moment they woke up. Of course, this didn’t change the fact that if the cotton up their noses fell out, they would all puke.

“Maybe we ought to go to Target and buy a whole bunch of air freshener,” replied Falcon, who was failing horribly at sarcasm.

“Wal-Mart’s cheaper,” FowlStar argued.

“They pay their workers, like, two cents an hour!”

“Blip,” Short said urgently. “Blip. Big blip.”

Sure enough, the blip had grown from ‘Minor’ to ‘intermediate’ overnight.

“I’ll go,” Falcon said after a moment, then suddenly she had a strange feeling she had broked a sacred silence.

“I will too,” added Short.

And so it was decided that Falcon, CC, and Short would check out the blip, and Star would stay behind and manage the computers ect.

“Somebody’s got to,” were her convincing words. It was very true, somebody did need to stay behind. Next was the issue of getting to the airport, because:

1) The blip was in Ireland.

2) The airport was  57 miles away.

3) None of them had a licence.

Short, for once, was on the ball and thought of something. “Fal and I will fly ourselves. We only need tickets for-”

The doooooor bell is riiiiiiinging!” sang the recordable doorbell.  It was Ckat, out to meet her new friends.

Ckat rang the doorbell, then stepped into the cabin. There were four girls, who she would soon come to know as Star, CrazyChick, Falcon and Short, and she would someday figure out that they were in the middle of a conversation about plane tickets. Of course, she knew none of this.

“…Her too, I suppose,” said one of the girls, who had red hair and blue eyes. A speach died in Ckat’s throat. Greeting words like that are enough to make anyone scared enough to be confused.

After a moment of awkward quiet, Star caught on. “You’re the new girl, right? CrazyChick means that we’re going to buy plane tickets for you, too, unless you want to stay here.”

Instantly, Falcon, CrazyChick, and Short caught on in a flurry of words.

“Hey, I’m Short! As in, that’s my name!”

“I’m CrazyChick, call me CC!”

“I’m Falcon!”

“BOO SANITY!”

“My name’s Star!”

“I hope you’re crazy like the rest of us.”

Eventually, this turned into a flurry of questions:

“Want a welcome feather?”

“What’s your name?”

“Are you crazy?”

Ckat sighed. “And I thought I was crazy. My name’s Ckat, and I love cats, and cookies.”

And then they herd it again. The blip. Reiminding them.

“Are you going, or not?”

Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5

Comments on This Post

41 responses to “Artemis Fowl and the Council of Liars.” Join in!

  1. Looks like this will be cool but whats going on with the orginazation? What are thay soposed to be defending aganst?
    Sorry for misspelings.

    *does first coment dance* 🙂

  2. All in good time, my friend. All in good time.;)

  3. Update please. 🙂
    I love the way you don’t reveal the plot right at first. I am hooked.

  4. Cool can I come in? Read your message. Black hair(halfway down back), dark brown eyes, tan, tall, skinny, sarcastic, crazy, bad memory, enjoys cats and cookies. Name- Ckat

  5. This is impressive, Falcon. 😀 Very impressive. 😉 Well written with beautiful grammar. 😀 Thanks for putting me in. 🙂 I really appreciate it. :]

    ~CC

  6. YYYAAAYYY!!!!! I GETS TO THROW WHIPPED-CREAM!!!!! WHOOOOOOOO!!! AND NO, I haven’t had a potato.

  7. This is the next “Valley of Fools” story. Everyone rate this a five and get it to the top rated! Wonderful story, flawless grammar and exceptional spelling. I loved the update, but I need another one. I also love the machine idea, very original and creative. Update now or you may not live to see the next hour Fal. This story is addicting. Wow!

  8. You left me HANGING! 😐 Not cool buddeh. Finish the update now. Or else. And let me quote Hermione on this one:

    “UPDATE OR FEAR MY WRATH!!!”

    And mine. Now hurry! Shizzz, this story is addicting.

  9. Fal, you know my powers and I know where you live… SO UPDATE! And I don’t talk like that!

  10. GEEZ, I did! I will again, as soon as i can… It’s what I do in my spare time.

  11. Wow. UUPPPPPPPPPDDDAAATTTTTTTTEEEEEEEE! Put me in it or I will send all my minions after you!(Not really. I don’t have any minions, unless you count my cat.) Love the story by the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  12. My mions are hot pink bunnys. Just kidding, I don’t have any. But i like to use ’em as empty threats.

  13. Love it! Update or I will do… something I don’t know what.
    But still, update! forum.gatorsports.com/images/smilies/angry5.gi

  14. You better stop being lazy when you come back. I am so not happy with you! How much do I have to beg to get you to update five or six chapters! Huh!!!??? Huh???!!! How many Fal…:(

  15. Fine, I shall. But I’m on a break. When I come back…

  16. FoalyIsAGenues September 6th, 2010 at 3:00 am 16

    put me in
    i am a centaur
    gender :boy
    always on computer
    vary sarcastic
    black hair glasses

  17. Why do you keep saying you’re a bad writer, modesty or so people will excitedly read your stories to see just how “bad” they are. Really, Falcon, I’ve seen tons of suckish-er stories. Stop saying you’re horrible, because you’re NOT. Update before I EXPLODE. If I can be in it, please add me. I have straight black hair halfway down my back, dark brown eyes(you can’t see it unless you’re about 6 inches from my face and stare really hard, otherwise they look black), tan skin, bad memory, dark blue glasses, enjoys cats and cookies, and I hate cheese. And most other dairy products. EXCEPT ICE CREAM. I am also random and 12 years old. Female. Will eat off floor depending on cleanliness of floor and tastiness of food. Will sit/climb just about anything. Stares off into space and has a lot of potentially useless facts.

  18. Yer in. I know, your right, people probably DO read my stories just to see how bad they are. But really, I’m just being modest- i still think they stink, though. I wrote a quiz to identify people with AlantisC, and I failed it XD

    Anyways, no more people for this one. It’s closed.

  19. HAHA! I’M IN IT!!! GRACIAS!!! XIEXIE!!! THANK YOU!! Er… that’s all the ways I know to say thanks… not really a lot. Anyway, it’s a short update, but I understand you just got on, so whatever. Good you can update at all, you know, cuz of school and everything.

  20. update or die( not really you wont die because of me)

  21. I has updated.

  22. Short, but it’s something. A quote? How bout-

    Underrating is overrated.
    -Ckat

    Kay, not very good, I just made it up. I don’t really have any good quotes that I say myself…

  23. Oh, I LIKE that. Anyone else? I want a quote by as many of the people I’m using as I can.

  24. XD Why is that when I read the first few paragraphs, I immediately saw a comedy story? Other than that, after the turns it’s taking, maybe it won’t entirely be funny anymore, which kind of dragged me down a bit. T_T
    BESIDES THAT, with this being one of the first stories I’ve read on this site, I have to say it exceeded my expectations in a really good way. Though, to give you any criticisms at the moment…..you might want to have a look at chapter 2. A few things repeated itself one too many times….

  25. GAH! I have fixed chapter 2 like, ten times! Ah well.

  26. Wow. 🙂 Awesome.

    First of all, dittoing FowlStar, I love it how you didn’t reveal the plot right away and kept me wondering what was going to happen. Also, thanks for putting me in this! I loved the whip cream battle. *broad grin* Epic.

    -Star

    P.S. Something’s wrong with Chapter 2… 🙁 It keeps repeating itself.

  27. There, I fixed chapter 2. Is it still… Ah. Yes. It is. I give up.

  28. You’ve updated!!!! But it’s short. But you updated! Miehhehehhh!!

  29. UpDaTe!!!!!!!!!!!!

  30. Oooh, one more person rate it 5* and it will be in the TTs!!!! Please? Somebody? Can’t rate it myself…

  31. UPDATE PWEESE!!!!!!!

  32. WOOT YOU UPDATED… and it’s short. Ah well, nice job. I dunno if I mentioned this before, but it’s ninety, despite the pronounciation.

    Yurp… I just really want an update. Sorry for my tineh comment.

  33. Great fic! 5 stars!
    UPDATE OR FEEL THE WRATH OF MY KILLER KITTEN!!!

  34. Alright… it’s been updated.

  35. UPDATE OR FACE MY FOWL FARTS!

  36. oooh cabn I be in it?I want to be called alpha. and I have a quote for ya:
    Im carzy reulary but give me lightning powers and IM cole mcgrath on weed.

  37. …Sorry, i’ts too late to join, although I might use your quotes… 🙁

  38. Falcon? This is fantastic. Update, or the Hounds will get ya. (See Taurus) Sorry, I just felt the need to post an ‘update or fear my wrath’ type message.

    I didn’t see and mistakes, and you’ve got a great fic going. Good job!

  39. I just came back from the dead, and what greets me? Your epic story. Woman, you need to update this if you value our band locker without whipped cream smeared on the walls! Kidding- mostly |D Ahem. So, update? It’s great(as always), except for a few typos. Keep up the work if you enjoy life!~

    Woman, you need

  40. chocolatetruffles1 March 24th, 2012 at 3:56 am 40

    Very funny, and please update soon.

  41. Re-reading these comments…. Gah how I miss everybody *flails everywhere* But like seriously, this used to be a classic… *cries* Fowwie called it the next Valley of Fools story aufuyfjhjvhhvj

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