Quotes: The Arctic Incident

This page contains quotes from Artemis Fowl and The Arctic Incident. The quotes are in reading order. All page numbers are from the UK version of the book. In times when the supposed ‘narrator’ of the book has been quoted, the speaker has been called “Colfer” (For obvious reasons).

Dr. J Argon: [About Artemis] “At least he spent some time outdoors and got to meet some new people. It’s a pity most of them were trying to kill him.” (Pg xi )

[During a meeting between Artemis and the school counsellor. Dr. Po sense a breakthrough ]
Artemis: “It’s my mother, Doctor.”
Dr. Po: “Your mother?”
Artemis: “My mother, she…”
Dr. Po: “Your mother, yes?”
Artemis: “She forces me to endure this ridiculous therapy when the school’s so-called counsellors are little more than misguided do-gooders with degrees.” (Pg 10 )

[In response to Chix Verbil hitting on her.]
Holly: “Stow it, Verbil. Keep your mind on the job. Or isn’t private a low enough rank for you?” (Pg 16 )

Colfer: “Like most sprites, Chix believed himself God’s green-skinned gift to females.” (Pg 16 )

Foaly: “Well, ridiculous as it sounds, someone may have found a way to beat my system.” (Pg 19 )

Colfer: “Goblins had barely enough electricity in their brains to power a ten-watt bulb.” (Pg 25 )

Holly: [About Artemis] “I knew he’d be back. I knew it.” (Pg 38 )

Colfer: [About Holly] “It was unlikely the officer would buzz him, but then again who knew with female elves?” (Pg 47 )

Root: “Hate to tell you this, Dorothy, but you ain’t in Kansas anymore.”
Colfer: The commander loved quoting ‘The Wizard of Oz.’ Three of his cousins were in the movie. (Pg 63 )

Colfer: “’The plot thickens,’ said Artemis. If he’d had a beard, he would have stroked it.” (Pg 89 )

Butler: “Right, enough talk. I think it’s time Mister Vassikin was introduced to my friend, Mister Fist.” (Pg 106 )

Britva: “Call me if there’s any trouble.”
Vassikin: “Ok, boss.”
Britva: “Oh, and one more thing.”
Vassikin: “Yes?”
Britva: “Don’t call me.” (Pg 118 )

Colfer: “They nearly made it. Of course, ‘nearly’ never won a bucket of squid at Gnommish roulette.” (Pg 127 )

Colfer: “Artemis grabbed her shoulders, for once abandoning his shell of icy composure. ‘Holly. Holly, speak to me. Your finger. Is it OK?’
Holly wiggled her fingers, then curled them into a fist. ‘I think so,’ she said, and whacked Artemis right between the eyes.” (Pg 160 )

Colfer: [About Foaly] “’Cudgeon,’ he growled and what followed was about two minutes worth of unprintable obscenity.” (Pg 161 )

Foaly: “Opal. How nice to see you. How are the folks?”
Opal: “Very well, thanks. Cumulus House is a lovely asylum.” (Pg 162 )

[Artemis is disheartened at abandoning the rescue of his father]
Holly: “We’re not giving up, Artemis. We’re regrouping. There’s a difference. We’ll be back. Remember, it’s always darkest before dawn.”
Artemis: “What dawn? We’re in the Arctic, remember.” (Pg 175 )

[Foaly’s text explains how dire the situation in Haven is, and ends with the line:]
Foaly: “IF ALIVE PLSE HELP. IF NOT, WRONG NMBR.” (Pg 181 )

Colfer: “Butler plucked two concussor eggs from a pouch on his Moonbelt. ‘Will these do? Foaly thought they might come in handy.’
Artemis groaned. If he didn’t know any better, he’d swear the manservant was enjoying this.” (Pg 193 )

Mulch: “Arf. Arf, rrruff rruff.” (Pg 200 )

Mulch: “You’ll never take me alive, human. Tell Foaly not to send a Mud Man to do a fairy’s job.”
Colfer: “Oh dear, thought Artemis, rubbing his brow, Hollywood had a lot to answer for.” (Pg 208 )

Mulch: “They had a troll in the next cubicle. Stand something awful/”
: “That’s what the troll said.” (Pg 211 )

Foaly: “Why don’t you fill me in on your plan Briar? Isn’t that what the power-crazed villain usually does?”
Briar: “Certainly, Foaly.” (Pg 215 )

Foaly: “At the risk of sounding clichéd, Briar, you’ll never get away with this.” (Pg 216 )

Root: “OK, here it is. One-time offer. Don’t even bother bargaining. You get us into Koboi Labs and I give you a two-day head start when this is over.”
Colfer: “Mulch swallowed. That was a good offer. They must be in a whole lot of trouble. (Pg 219 )

Colfer: “Artemis was expecting puberty to hit in approximately eight months, and he suspected that at that point he would look at Holly in a different light. It was probably just as well that she was eighty years old.” (Pg 223 )

Colfer: “Mulch was using a carrot as a pointer – or, more accurately, several carrots. Dwarfs liked carrots.”
Mulch: “This is Koboi labs.”
Root: “That?”
Mulch: “I realize, Julius, that this is not an accurate schematic.”
Colfer: “The commander exploded from his chair. If you didn’t know better, you’d swear there was dwarf gas involved. ‘An accurate schematic? It’s a rectangle, for heaven’s sake!” (Pg 223 )

Holly: “Don’t think I’m getting chummy or anything. It’s just that when I give my word, I stick to it.”
Colfer: “Artemis decided not to respond. He’d already been punched once today.” (Pg 234 )

Colfer: “Two hundred goblins versus our three virtually unarmed heroes. It was going to be close.” (Pg 241 )

Colfer: “Holly checked Opal Koboi’s status.”
Root: “She’s conscious?”
Colfer: “Koboi’s eyes flickered open. Holly shut them with a swift rabbit punch to the forehead. ‘Nope,’ she said innocently. ‘Out cold.’” (Pg 263 )

Colfer: “Holly unhooked the anti-rad foam canister, flipping the safety catch, ‘Allow me,’ she said, grinning. ‘It would be my pleasure.’
She directed a jet of foul-smelling foam at Artemis. In seconds, he resembled a half-melted snowman. Holly laughed. Who said there were no perks in law enforcement?” (Pg 264 )