The Code
Image from EoinColfer.com, but I have taken out some of the grid lines, to make it easier on the eye.
Decoded
“A recruitment letter from the centaur Foaly, technical consultant to the Lower Elements Police.
Trusted ally if you have decoded this gnomish message then you are a deputy officer in the Lower Elements Police. You will not be aware of this face because it is the practice of the LEP to mindwipe our human allies. We do this so they cannot remember being recruited. If you cannot remember the fairy people or our underground city then you cannot betray our existence to the greedy humans.
Of course not all humans are greedy. You, deputy are a noble member of your species, and clever too. We only recruit the best. Our intelligence department studied your file and concluded that you were suitable for LEP membership. At the moment you are only a deputy officer. To become a fully fledged officer you must complete four tasks.
- De-code this message. Something you are well on your way to completing.
- Save life of a member of another species. You can complete this task in any number of ways. Open a window to release a trapped fly. Build a bird bath in your garden. Release a mouse from a trap.
- Achieve a perfect score of a school test or homework assignment. In this job you need to be smart as well as fit.
- Wash yourself every day for a week. This is a difficult assignment especially for human boys who do not like contact with water. If you are going to work underground often in cramped tunnels you will appreciate a partner who does not smell like a hermit dwarf.
Once you have completed these tasks you must summon your recruiting officer in the ancient fashion. Go to your backyard or nearest green area. Make sure you are not being watched. Find a soft spot of ground and burrow a six inch hole with a broom handle or short stick. When your hole is ready tap out the letters L-E-P in horse code. The code for L-E-P is as follows, L = tap, tap, wiggle, tap, E = wiggle, wiggle, tap, P = tap, wiggle, drill. Do this at least a hundred times and our underground sensors will pick up the vibration and send an LEP officer with your uniform and orders.
Good luck deputy.
Foaly.”
Well, I don’t think I’m in the LEP, but I guess I can always dream. Perhaps you are?
The four tasks speak for themselves really. The only thing i would like to point out is that its quite advisory to do Number Four ALL THE TIME!
The ritual at the end should be interesting. Try it out sometime, but i think I will quote this part again, “Make sure you are not being watched.”
In fact, its so important, im going to quote it again, “Make sure you are not being watched.”
And again, “Make sure you are not being watched.”
Understand…?
